Running The Race

~Family~

2009-08-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

It is really true huh how we alwiz take our family and every1 who cares for us for granted.. it's sad how we're all so unappreciative of what we have.. i'm sorry for being 1..

I LOVE U, Mum, Dad, Granny, Bro & Sis!!

The more I give, the more pain i gain.. =(

2009-08-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Assessing myself as I looked nowhere
Asking myself why I felt tormented
As well as of remorse thinking my fate
Endless acts of giving indeed been laid
A message to convey of your importance…

At times don’t want to think taken for granted
At times I felt it was all just an act from you
Trying to reciprocate my deeds as to repay
Just to pleased the promises only at first
But it was put aside once more until piled…

Courage I’m waiting for me to open-up
Reasons why I start to change of direction
Our friendship we built I want for keeps
But the feeling I have need to extinguish
I can’t imposed my rights for I really don’t have…

The fault is within me for I care too much
I give too much but I found myself hurt
High expectations I regard from your side
Deep within me I knew it is awkward
My thoughts for you now, its time to set it free…

~Farewell~

2009-08-11T02:53:00.000-07:00

My friends to you I bid goodbye
To the friendship that brought me sky
The year has been swell
As if coming from a wishing well

But as all things do
I have to bid adieu
How it pains me to
But there's nothing I can do

Thank you for the memories
The laughter and the tears
They'll linger in my heart
As if we never part

If by chance we meet again
May it be full of blessings in the rain
Yet for now all that I can say
Is to God for you I'll pray

God has been really gracious to me.. bringing so many friends along the way to accompany me.. my companions.. life would never be the same without you.. we might be bidding farewell to each other now but.. this farewell would not be eternal for all the memories we had will remain evermore in my heart.. let me remain in all your hearts as all of you will remain in mine.. our memories in this foreign land will be cherished forevermore and much longer if God permits.. my wish for all of u would be to live life to the fullest & to be successful..

luv,
yuen mei

cherished moments..

2009-07-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

most cherished moments..

having spent almost a portion of everyday with u~
pillow talks
jz being around u even when there isn't much to talk bout..
all the outings we've gone on together
snowboarding down the hill together has been awesome and to an extent romantic~
the way u console and try to make me happy after getting me mad..
how we 'fight' tickling each other..
going on thrill rides together
u being thr for me tho not alwiz but i've alwiz enjoyed knowing tht u're there..
having u teach me and helping me out in my studies
plucking plums together!!
going for occasional evening walks with me..
hugs n kisses, my very fave!!
going crazy studying for similar subjects together..
even enjoyed the aftermath of annoying the crap out of each other.
in other words, i enjoyed every moment of the day i spent with u

tragically, none of this would happen anymore.. wish i could be part of ur world but guess we're only too different and we've yet to learn to tolerate and to compromise.. till the day we learn that we're not that different after all, things will nvr change.. maybe i shouldn't be holding on to wut's not meant to be.. when will i ever learn my lessons?! all these memories.. sweet & bitter.. tho i've enjoyed it all, part of me doesn't want it to remain in my thoughts anymore.. the pain is too much to bear.. i've no idea how much i can take be4 i'm able to let go completely.. all i can do is to trust in God to heal the brokenness now..

~a new quarter~

2009-04-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

time flies by so quickly~~ before i could even afford to blink, fall quarter was over already.. before I could even inhale and breathe the sweet scent of spring break, holidays were over and it's back to nightmare 101.. spring break was pretty laid back this time.. it was prolly a good thing since i'm not that well to do financially currently.. the thoughts of not having anymore pocket money kills when there are so many places that I hadn't got the chance to visit.. but then again, i shouldn't be splashing my parents money like that.. i should prolly start punishing myself for doing so badly last quarter.. my grades prolly wouldn't have been that bad if only i've listened to my parents and my friends but.. sighz.. it was that tiny confidence that has amplified into a thick lucious ray of confidence that has gotten me into this mess.. what a time to have such huge confidence.. =.=" sighz.. at least that's over with..

proceeding to spring quarter 2009~~~

being a graduating senior this quarter......
omg!!!~~ and i thought a graduating senior would have more priorities in terms of getting classes.. i can't believe that it's harder getting into classes this quarter than any other quarter.. thankfully, i wouldn't have to go through shitty registration anymore after this quarter.. but.. on the other hand.. jz by the thoughts of spending my last quarter here at CalPoly gives me a sense of nostalgia.. it hasn't been very long since i've been here but after spending more than a year here, i begin to feel very comfortable with the people and the place.. hmmm.. on second thought.. maybe not so much of the place but definitely the people and all the ups and downs and special moments we share.. i guess this is what they usually meant when they say time goes on and humans would have to just move on regardless of their feelings for those cherished moments.. it would be great if only time would freeze, and the clock would stop ticking.. if only leaves wouldn't turn brown and shed, if only grass would remain green all year round.. sighz.. even if i could make up 100s of if only's, i guess it wouldn't make a difference in the reality of the fact that i still have to go through another 10 weeks of hell, i'll still have to graduate and leave this place and all my friends.. i still have to travel another path apart from that of all my friends and.. i'll still have to decide and determine my own future.. sobz.. i wish life is just simple math where 1 + 1 is always equals to 2.. where there's only black and white without silver or gray lining.. =(

*yuen mei wishes for more*

2009-03-16T01:25:00.000-07:00

FiNaLS!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~

It's eating me alive!!!!!!

SO MUCH TO STUDY~~~~ :-(

SO LIL TIME!!! :'(

My SAVIOR, REFUGE & STRENGTH..
abandon me not in times of desperation..
hear my cry of needy.. :-(
provide me with strength and wisdom..
may Your blood and angels protect & comfort me..
may Your presence be with me all the days of my life and may I dwell in Your peace forever..
Amen..

ridiculous much?!

2009-03-05T18:08:00.000-08:00

a student's life really isn't easy at all.. there are so many things to stress about besides academic stuffs.. prolly not including money or financial aid for most of us but.. really.. jz stressing bout external factors such as wut lies after graduation, wut happens if we couldn't finish in time for graduation, wut if we get low cgpas and lotz more which i'm jz to annoyed to get too rite now.. as if there is not enough to stress about already as students.. certain ridiculous issues are brought up jz to stress us even more.. i really do feel for leaders and the ppl working with the leaders.. being here in the states as an international student for close to 2 years, i really truly understood the hardship international students go through and i'm truly thankful for the ppl who helped us so much along the way.. life would've been more miserable without guidance at all.. and here.. i would really want to address my gratitude to the Malaysian Student Association.. being part of this bigger and larger malaysian family, i feel less alone in this foreign land.. also, my apologies if there was anything that i've sad that has offended any1 at all.. i am grateful for a club like this and i'm more than comfortable to be hanging around frenz from home.. but.. then again.. the main purpose for my education trip here to the states is to learn about other culture and meet ppl from different backgrounds besides those from home country.. and i think one of the best ways to do that is through collaborated events where students from different cultured clubs come together, doing stuffs together and learning and getting to know each other.. goin across some ridiculous arguments today during lunch, was not only a waste of my quiz study time, but also, it did actually reflected badly on us malaysians.. arguing over some simple matter of whr and when n how are we gonna have our banquet?! haven't any1 heard about the term majority rules?! wut's wrong with collaborating with other clubs to have a banquet.. it's true that we have always had our banquet among ourselves but.. it doesn't mean that we can't do it with other clubs if it saves cost and we get a nicer and classy place plus we get to know more ppl from other foreign lands!! isn't that advantage from every perspective?! i don't understand why the conservative thoughts of keeping to our own?! if that's all tht we want to do, why travel millions of miles across the sea to study in the states?! must as well just study in malaysia and just stick to our kind.. i'm posting my thoughts as a way of releasing some stress and thoughts i have and if it has offended any1 in anyway possible.. my apologies.. this is jz an opinion and again, we as the younger uprising generation.. we should be brave to make a difference and not stick to the old conservative way of thinking.. it's time for changes, beginning with our generation.. don't u think?! =)

Ma anniversaire!! (the blurrest story told..)

2008-11-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

One sunny yet stressful day on November 16, 2008..

How I felt that day?
really stressed.. absent-minded.. blur to the max.. slow to react.. prolly wut was left was only my body.. my mind was definitely not intact..

Did I expect sth that nite?
Yes.. but only when i realize it was the 16th when my parents called.. otherwise.. i would still continue thinking it the 15th.. =.="

What was my reaction when I saw Yanru at my door?
Expected.. but.. did not expect them to make me earn my own birthday.. which include running around frantically looking for clues be4 every1 in the party got old waiting for me.. lol..

How did I enjoy the hunt?
was absent-minded the whole time.. brain jz refused to work altho deep down sumwhr in my brain at tht point of time, i knew the answer.. enjoyed the task too.. definitely a gud exercise and a stress reliever after 1 whole day of brain pain..

How did i feel after seeing the iPod?
I think that moment was the blurrest moment of my entire life.. I couldn't believe I was so absent-minded that I did not even notice the iPod hidden in the cake!!! I couldn't believe that maddy nearly made me stab the iPod.. i couldn't believe i did not notice it even when half of it was revealed.. & i thought it was the plate.. =.=" i couldn't believe i was so numb to excitement that i did not react the way i usually do when i'm downright excited.. urgh!! yesterday was too messed up.. my emotions were like everywhr at the wrong time.. i think i'm really more excited today over yesterday than yesterday.. yesterday was weirdly fun.. to come to think of it.. every1's look was classic when they did not see any reaction in me.. haha..

Was it the most memorable birthday?
It definitely was.. I feel so bad for always thinking that the best stuffs are always at home where my family is and forgetting to be contented with the good frenz I have here in the states with me.. i really do enjoy all my frenz here being with me.. i'm really blessed with the best family n the best of frenz n i really dun think there are better frenz to ask for than those i already have..

my wishes this birthday?
for many happy returns to my wonderful family and frenz.. i wish that the days we hv in the states will be a part of our memory from now.. till forever..

the greatest moment~~

2008-11-17T02:54:00.000-08:00

it is true that it does suck being away from home and most of my frenz especially on my birthday.. and on top of that.. i had so many midterms and assignments due on my birthday and the day after.. a definite sucker punch in the face.. but.. i'm really thankful that God has blessed me with a big group of gud frenz here in the states.. frenz that accompanies me thru ups and downs.. frenz that causes my ups and downs.. =p and also frenz that teaches me lessons.. i was really touched.. sad.. happy.. a mixture of feelings when my loved ones webcam me from back home just to sing me my birthday song.. but it was sad how i had to end the conversation soon cz of those freaking assignments.. =(

then came nite.. expected it was.. but.. not like that.. definitely the first time people make me earn my own birthday.. lol.. and definitely my first time covered in nth but chocolate cream, chocolate cake, strings, and chemicals of all sorts.. i really do luv my frenz.. every single one of them.. my life in the states would nvr be the same without them.. it was defitely the most memorable surprise party.. helped me destress after a rough day.. made me earn my birthday.. covered me in 'stuffs'.. gave me an iPod.. rehearsed to sing me the perfect birthday song.. made me realize that i've a bunch of really great and crazy frenz which i would nvr trade with anything else in the world.. honestly.. the most valuable thing i've gained today wasn't the iPod.. it was knowing i've a group of sweet frenz that i would treasure and remember for life..

yanru -- thank u for sharing my ups and downs with me.. thank u for being there and understanding me.. we're similar in quite many ways that i think we could be mirror images.. i feel like i could be myself or whoever i wanna be when i'm with u.. tho we might not have known each other forever, but it does feel like so.. dun think i've to say much.. u noe wut i've to say, dun u?? luv ya..

kher yin -- we've been frenz since first week of TPM.. and i guess u noe almost 80% of who i am.. we've been thru the whole of upper tertiary education together.. not to say most of the malls in KL together.. thanks for listening to my probs.. lending me ur shoulder to cry on when i was seriously homesick out of my mind.. we might hv communicated less these days due to different class time but i do cherish our friendship.. *muacks*

john -- there's so much for me to say.. but to keep it simple.. gud memories are all tht remains.. and i do cherish every single moment i hv with u.. u've been a really amusing fren tho not a *fill in the blanks*.. but anyhow.. ur friendship means a lot to me.. i enjoy talking to u prolly cz it's really interesting how i could be both serious and sarcastic while talking to u.. *hugz*

sara -- among the residents of B10.. i noe u for the shortest duration of time.. but i really admire ur straight-forwardness.. ur firm stand.. shhh.. honestly.. u're kinda like my role model when it comes to responsibility.. cz u'll get things done.. thanks for everything ya.. the life lessons u taught me and the gud times we had.. luvs..

kan lun -- evil one!!! thank u for the listening ear when i had problems with u noe wut.. ohh.. and the amusing sarcasm u alwiz have.. but all in all.. thank u for the fun.. u're a gud playful fren.. ohh.. n honestly.. i'm not a lesbo who's into ur sis.. i jz do tht to annoy u.. =p

maddy -- donkey!!!! my listening ear.. crying shoulder.. teasing buddy.. stress reliever.. wow!! u're many things in 1.. but the main 1 is.. thank u for all the useful advice.. dun worry.. i will learn from my mistakes.. =)

peng chuan -- my hang out buddy, fahion advisor, reality checker who really slaps me into reality, interior designer, bank customer (since i'm the banker), and many other roles.. thank u for keeping my life interesting.. for accompanying me literally through my moody and downright sad times.. for harsh talks just to make me realize.. & lotz more.. *hearts*

abraham -- gym buddy!!! hehe.. thanks for making me sing and play the piano.. lol.. and for all the fun times.. u noe wut i enjoy most bout u?? ur laugh.. it has a lil musical tune in it.. =) laugh on bro!!!

zyrax -- for all the fun times.. the smack of chocolate right on my head.. the sarcastic remarks when i procrastinate.. that really kept me going for like a few seconds.. haha.. thanks~~

aaron -- for all the sarcastic remarks.. sumtimes i do wonder the truth value of it.. but then again.. hmm.. but nway.. u've been a fun person to hang out with.. a fun fren..

chris -- the person whom i used to had a crush on eh.. hehe.. not sure if u noe tht.. not really a crush but more like admiration.. used to had a thing for smart ppl.. but nway.. i enjoyed ur 'life' lessons on procrastination.. =p and all the other lfe lessons u had to offer.. ohh.. n guitar lessons too ya.. >.^ if i were to hv an elder bro, i want him to be like u.. =)

ho -- thanks for temaning me thru walks jz to destress.. =) *hugz*

oh God.. hv a lot more to go..

zibbie, priya, revs, rekaa (residents of 60F) -- thank u girls.. i luv u all.. *muacks*

raudee & choon -- thanks guyz.. sorry for the disappointment raudee.. i noe u expected some reaction from me today.. but.. i guess my brain was a wee too slow today.. =( & choon.. thanks for calling me a beaver.. now aaron wouldn't stop.. =.=" haha..

najmee & ubay -- thank u.. dunno how many times i've said tht but i really do mean it.. and ubay.. i want citizenship.. *winks* hehe.. joking.. =p

kamal & pohli -- the cutie couple.. tht's cz pohli is cute.. n kamal is jz another dota freak.. hehe.. but both of u are really sweet.. thank u so much ya..

julian & bonnie -- thank u for taking time off ya.. really enjoyed ur presence OLD buddy.. old but sexy la k.. hehe.. u're only sexy cz u've a cute & sexy gf.. =p

to those i missed.. u guyz mean a lot to me.. so much that u all are practically a part of my life rite now.. i might not be the nicest when it comes to being a fren.. prolly even a bad fren.. but u all still spend time and spared ur friendship with me.. and for tht i'm truly grateful.. i'll nvr ask for anything more than having all ur friendship..

my wishes this birthday actually goes to those i love, care for and who have played a part in moulding my life.. family.. frenz.. relatives.. every1 of u.. my prayers n wishes goes to u on this day..

~memories tht remains~

2008-10-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

Hv been back in the States for nearly a month now.. Being back here, brings back memories of the past 6 months.. good or bad, well, i guess it will remain as part of my life forever now.. Summer back home was great!!! sometimes, i do hv this innocent thoughts of not coming back here, just staying back home, chilling out with family and frenz, doing wutever i feel like doing, no responsibilities.. no strings attached.. hmmm.. i guess i really hv been a lil wild during the summer break back home.. being back here, everything is so laid back that i'm beginning to feel tht time is freezing on me.. however, i have to say tht i'm enjoying this quarter.. the laidback momentum, with 1 language class and another history class which is really interesting and fun, besides the 2 hectic other class.. i think i'm juggling time pretty well tho.. at least i've ample time to procrastinate.. yea.. to some who noe me as the queen of procrastination, i'm doing it again.. yay me!! =p hmmm.. i guess everything is pretty well and normal compared to the past few months ago where i guess my life was a whole lot of havoc, trauma and chaos.. tried to wipe out all memory regarding certain things, person, events.. haha.. but obviously i failed miserably.. if there's such thing then every1's life would only encompass happy endings.. so.. since i couldn't wipe out my own memories, guess i have no choice but to live with it.. the past is not an issue anymore.. things r up n about.. great n going.. can't wait to graduate, check out US, tour europe, and get my butt out of this country asap!! there's still no place like home.. ohh.. my vegas trip was superb.. photos will be up soon on my blog i hope.. =S but.. it's up on facebook ady.. so ppl who're dying to see can go hv a peek.. =p

*this post is a rough update.. more updates soon.. i noe wendee dying to noe dy.. hehe.. =p*

Why?!

2008-08-10T00:29:00.000-07:00

Perfectly Good Heart - Taylor Swift

Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall

And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall

No matter what you say I still can't believe

That you would walk away

It don't make sense to me but

Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart

Why would you wanna take our love and tear it all apart now

Why would you wanna make the very first scar

Why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart

*past is past.. gotta let go..*

2008-06-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back home!!!! back in my own comfy sanctuary..

exam fever~~

2008-06-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

it is that time of the quarter again!!!

hate exams!!

have been pulling 3 all-nighters in a row!!! tht's gonna do some pretty bad damage but who cares!! i'm goin home in 4 days.. argh!!! the wait is killing me!!! but jz thinking of being home is happy enough.. can't wait to be back for the summer tho i would prolly hv to work my ass of during the internship.. =(

*yuen mei knows that home awaits*

hectic, hectic & nth but more hectic~

2008-05-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

yay!! there's officially 1 month more be4 i reach home!!! the wait is killing me but i noe it'll be worth every second of the wait.. got an internship at some bionexus status company in KL.. it's kinda sad that i'll hv to work during the 3 months 'supposed' holiday back home.. but i guess.. as long as i'm home, nth seems to matter anymore.. home is the one & only place where i feel comfortable and safe.. my hiding place, my shelter..

but in this 1 month be4 home..

i've tons of assignment to complete be4 the due dates.. mostly next week.. i'm so dead!! jz completed 1 which was due today and that has cost another sleepless night.. consequences?! slept during biochemistry lecture & the lecturer caught me 'fishing'.. sighz.. can't seem to stop embarassing myself even in the states.. =( with so many midterms, assignments, quizzes, discussions due round the corner.. i can't help but feel the stress & pressure.. think my brain is really quite mashed already..

on the other hand..

besides being stressed over academic stuffs.. i guess there's the other thing i've been stressing over for the past month too.. but i guess that's something which i could not control.. only fate will decide the outcome.. so.. i guess doing whatever i feel like doing is good provided i don't go overboard and provided i could get a grip of myself!! NOT gonna let go.. wanna hold on till the day i would eventually let go with no aches in the heart.. still hoping there's a chance there but.. well..

*yuen mei is very tired & exhausted due to stress*

2008-05-11T05:02:00.001-07:00

HAPPIE MUMMIE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!

I MISS U & LOVE U, MUM!!!!

for everything u've done,
i'm truly grateful..

i really really thank God for giving me such a lovely, caring, the most wonderful mummie in the whole wide world.. =)

~wish i could be back home to celebrate it with u mum~

2008-05-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

life is full of games and tricks..

Everytime I'm half-way reaching my point of destination, something happens and it holds me back!

I'm DONE trying..

for now.. I shall do things according to my emotions for a change.. first thing that comes to mind.. dangerous but.. who knows.. might work??

*emotionally exhausted*

~cry of the heart~

2008-05-05T01:51:00.000-07:00

the heart is one of the most dangerous organ in the body.. can't live without it but at the same time it could cause so much confusions and illusions.. no idea if what i'm going thru now or what i'm feeling now is sincere but.. i guess there are certain things that i really do not wanna let go.. but circumstances does not allow me to hold on any longer.. no matter how much i wished it had all gone well, i guess sometimes it's just life.. not everyone gets what they desire.. the lights have been turned on and the fog and mist are melted and carried away by the sun's heat ray and the wind.. what seemed like a total blur the past few weeks is suddenly crystal clear.. the statements some people made the previous nite has clear and obvious intentions.. intentions that gave me reasons to stop hallucinating.. reasons to stop being so naive.. reasons to feel all the more hurt.. reasons to feel the long prickly needle piercing thru the tender lining of the heart.. reasons to cry my heart out.. reasons to blame myself for being such an idiot.. reasons to stop believing that probably there's still something there.. i know that no matter how much i wish that the memories i had the past 2 months are the memories that i would be continuing in the future, it wouldn't come to past.. all that's left are just memories to be kept.. wouldn't try holding on but it wouldn't be easy to let go.. some part of me still really really wish that someday history will repeat itself but this time with a more pleasant ending.. probably that's just the emotional, naive side of me.. the naive side that has always wished to be living in a conducive, fairytale-like virtual world.. I really really want this to end soon!! I'm really tired of faking my daily life!!! It's not easy to laugh when you feel like crying.. or smile when you feel like breaking down.. or to pretend to feel nothing about it when in actual fact the heart is bruised to the extend that it would start bleeding anytime.. and it definitely is not easy to hold your tears from rolling down your cheeks in front of people.. it is very ironic how I always end up facing my fears and my weaknesses.. is this really how people grow?! thru all these pain and hurts?!

conciousness taking over but it's just not enough

*wishing to be not so naive*

2008-04-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

'No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.'

I was feeling all jumbled up with thoughts until a friend quoted this phrase a few hours ago.. it then hit me so hard that it really slapped me out of my own thoughts that hey!! he's right.. no one or no person is worth my tears and misery.. it's just that it's just so hard to put it into actions instead of just mere words.. i'm made out of flesh and blood and hey!! cut me or smack me, i'll bleed and i'll hurt and i'll most probably be screaming on top of my lungs for all who know me well.. but i guess i am trying really really hard to put the past behind me.. sometimes i do have my own naive thoughts and wishes but after all i've gone through, there's no space for naive and kiddish thoughts and actions anymore.. life isn't like what pop-up fairytale books states.. it's far complicated, cold, harsh and traumatising.. tomorrow might be another day but who knows what's gonna happen at the end of today.. guess that's life.. we'll never know if we'll get hurt today or tomorrow until we actually feel the pain of the injury..

For all who have been concerned with my well being due to my emotional and gloomy post these few days, i'm so sorry for causing any discomfort and worries.. i believe time will play it's part.. in the meantime, i guess all i could do is try to chill and not to let my emotions affect any1 else..

*still praying hard that things will work out for the better*

season change.. things change..

2008-04-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

i still miss certain things.. things may change and tables may be turned on me.. wish i could let go already.. but.. i guess i sank in a lil too much to feel nth bout it.. if only feelings could be manipulated easily then i wouldn't hv to go thru all these now.. can't wait for summer to arrive.. another season, hopefully another change for the better.. considerations to be made, brokenness to be patched, decisions and alterations to be decided and made up, internships to be completed, basically, i'm positively sure everything will be different after summer.. jz hope it's for the better.. won't get my hopes up and ending up giving myself too much false hope but.. i trust God will help me thru, jz pray tht I wouldn't mess things up by being disobedient..

summer will make the difference!!

*still feeling sore & broken but trying hard to stand firm*

a tear is jz a laughter away??

2008-04-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

there's been so much goin on these days that i almost lost track of how much i've been going thru and how long the whole phase is taking.. it's so hard to feel sad and hurt but at the same time have to pretend that i'm cool and chilling bout it.. can't really cry it out or scream it out.. so the other best alternative i guess is to smile and laugh it out.. at least if i laugh hard enough and tear, i would have a reason for crying.. being hyper and active in order to not think and focus so much on the hurts is really tiring.. but i really can't figure out another way except to tire myself and wear myself out to prevent unnecessary thoughts.. guess it does take a long time to recover from hurts.. i believe that time will play it's role and God will help me thru it.. guess in the end, there is not much external issue but it's jz if i can get over myself and my internal conflict.. this sucks.. i'm such a lousy and emotional loser.. needa be stronger to survive in a reality tht's harsh and cruel.. no more naive thoughts..

can't wait till summer!!!

*trying to return to my comfort zone*

over

2008-04-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

the one month plus roller coaster ride has finally come to an end.. relieved yet at the same time i can't help but feel sad.. wish i have a memory eraser or a time machine.. that would be freaking darn cool not to say useful for moments like this..

*Yuen Mei is trying to put things behind*

helpless~~

2008-04-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

i feel so helpless~~ certain truth sucks but.. i guess i'd rather know than to be ignorant bout it tho.. it was so predictable even since the beginning.. but.. i guess i was only human.. people really does silly things when they're not rational enough.. not regretting my decisions but still wishing for the ideal outcome..

some people say that life is a piece of cake.. life is a wonderful journey to embark in.. but i guess i've a different view to life eversince stepping foot into the State.. life is just one damn thing over and over.. routine routine and more routines.. probably it's like what certain people say.. life is never fair.. it is just fairer than death, that's all..

not really sure why i'm always flooded with negative thoughts here.. just can't wait to be home for good!!

MAIN GOAL:

FINISH UP MY SUBJECTS AND GRADUATE ASAP!!!

2008-03-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

BLESSED EASTER EVERYONE!!!!

may every1 be blessed and merry.. God gave His Son that HE may die for our sins.. how wonderful such love that we take for granted.. may the true meaning of easter prevail within the hearts' of HIS faithful followers at least..

*yuen mei misses Easter celebration back home!*

crossroads

2008-03-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

i'm such a disappointment!!!!!!!

i'm so so sorry mum & dad, grandma & every1 who has their hopes in me!!

tht's just my limits.. i can't go any further.. i dun think i would hv done better even if i've studied any more than this.. it's really my best.. guess i'm jz not wut every1 expects.. i was fooled too into believing tht i was better than this.. so much for every1's faith and believe in me.. i dun even wanna start describing how bad i suck.. but for now.. i'm jz sad and guilty tht i've disappointed mum & dad and my family..

i'm so so sorry!!!!!!!!!

what am i to do now?!?! if i retake the subject, i would delay graduation for about 2 quarters.. am i to live with a sucky grade?? it hurts my eye to look at it.. it pains my heart to think tht my intelligence & effort is only worth tht much.. the fact tht i can't live up to people's expectations and my own expectations annoys me!! probably sum1 is jz very rite.. i needa get a life!!!

*lost.. paranoid..*

at wit's end..

2008-03-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

finally lost it!!! lost half my mind studying genetics~~ and still screwed up for finals.. who on earth stares at a single paragraph for more than an hour?!?! arghhhh!!!!!!!! guess i'm jz glad is over and done for.. 1 down 2 more papers to go?!?! *sobz* if only i were home i won't be this stressed.. i miss home!!!!!!!!!!!

at the other end of the line...

something jz feels wrong.. doesn't seem right.. i guess it is wrong but.. i'm lost.. i dunno wut to do.. i dun like this!!!!!!! feels like i've totally lost control of my life and wut i'm doin ever since i'm here..

*stress poses all sorts of threat to my state of mind*

2008-03-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

EXAMS!!!

FINALS!!!!!!!!!

i'm stressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & i think it's a lil too much to handle.. beyond stressed.. =( *sobz*

~yuen mei's screaming her head off to release tension and stress~

some more random pics~~

2008-03-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

once upon a strawberry?!?! =pthe patch of strawberry plants at farmstore next to the university village..

Free strawberry ad?!?!

the siamese strawberry?!?! *lolz*

on the other hand..

hadn't much time to take pictures around campus to show many of u.. so sorry.. will upload more when i snap more?!?! *if i snap more that is.. =p* in the meantime, here are some?

the 'pointy' building!!! or so every1 calls it.. =p

nice nice smelling lavender..

i still miss home!!!!!!

decisions?!?!

2008-03-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

am still wondering how would things turn out to be.. some things happen for the better, some just took place coincidentally and some just happens for the worst.. i wonder which will this turn out to be.. in the meantime, i guess i'm happy and comfortable with it.. guess it's really time to let past be past.. living the present without regrets and looking forward to a fruitful future?!?!

*yuen mei's thinking too hard nowadays* ~there goes her brain cells, as if she has any left~ =(

fragments..

2008-03-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

some things happened.. i noe they did.. but i just can't remember what.. my memory is so fragmented.. a few screenshots and the rest a blur.. God!!!! guess that's how people who has lost their memories feel.. sighz.. everything seemed like a dream.. both sweet and bitter at the same time.. urgh!!!!!!!!! y do i feel that i don't control my own life??

i miss home!!!!!! nothing bad ever happens to me when i'm home!!!!!!!

2008-03-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

i hate my sucky sucky life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

confused..

2008-02-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

Am i too insensitive?!?! or am i overly sensitive?!?! how can a person switch from being cold to warm and back to cold in a matter of minutes?!?!? is that even humanly possible?? urgh.. it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me and the way i interpret stuffs..

AND

in the meantime.. midterms, assignments and reports are still driving me nuts!! last week has gotta be the killer week thus far.. 3 more weeks and my long awaited break shall arrive..

*yuen mei's trying to be really patient*

music food to the soul

2008-02-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

Victor Hugo

Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.

Ludwig Van Beethoven

If music be the food of love, play on.

Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

can't believe i'm saying this but.. i miss my piano!!!!!!!!! i miss my pieces!!!!! i miss the music, the melody, the touch and the ring of my piano.. it has been a part of me for so long that more often than not i've taken it for granted.. frequently expressing my dissatisfaction and dread over how i hated practising day and night for exams.. but now.. i guess there wouldn't be anymore practising or wutsoever.. i haven't been playing the piano for one and a half month now!!! i miss it!!!!!!!!!! guess hitting the piano when i'm stressed is of no use over here.. =(

i miss my piano!!!!

random..

2008-02-16T14:38:00.001-08:00

Random pictures eversince i've been in the states.. haven't been taking pictures much..

The ZHI MUIS aka housemates aka the 3 Bs (according to peng chuan =.=")

Other random pictures?!?!

here are some clues as of how my chinese new year went huh.. i miss CNY back home!!!! miss going to homes to pai nian.. hehe.. but anyhow.. i'm glad and thankful for supportive friends here who have been great help to the struggles that i've been through and which i'm going thru..

I MISS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

but.. won't be going back in summer.. but i promise i'll be back end of the year!!

people i miss all these while..

2008-02-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

it's almost 2 months.. never realize how much i love everyone back home until i'm away from it.. made me realize how much i've always take things for granted and how ungrateful i was when i had everything..

my dear parents.. wouldn't be where i am and what i am without you.. *heart* i'll face every challenge with a positive mindset.. i promise..

the person who brought me up.. be safe.. you promised to watch me graduate.. i won't disappoint you~~

you guyz drive me crazy all the time but i'm missing you like nuts now.. how i miss fighting with you.. to sheng yong: i miss you very much!!! i'll always be here for you if you need me.. you can count on me just like i can count on you.. study hard ya.. academic stuffs should not get the better of us rite?!?!

missing you.. don't be such a cry baby k.. bet you're having fun exploiting my room. =p let me know if kor kor bully you.. i'll scold him.. *hehe*

my beloved angels who constantly drives me up the wall.. i miss you all!!! lets bridge again when i'm back.. be good ya~~

the apple of my eye!! breaks my heart when you stare at me as if i'm a stranger over the webcam.. thank God you recognize me eventually.. =)

my dearest abby!!! u would probably be really big when i'm back.. wonder if you would still recognize me.. *hmmm*

the greatest gift God has bestowed to me.. a group of great friends whom i know i can always trust..
the partners in bullying crime!! sorry for abandoning you.. will be back soon.. wait for me ya..
the victim.. i still miss 'bullying' you!!

you have no idea how much i miss you!! please fix your internet connection asap!! =(

i'll be back really soon!! missing my zhi muis!!! plan plan.. lets go somewhere!!! HOLIDAY!!!=p

urgh!!! i miss my family and friends too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

thank God for memories..

2008-02-15T16:42:00.001-08:00

i'm depressed!!!!!!! confused!!!!! stressed!!!!!!!!!!!!

my very own thoughts are driving me crazy!! =(

too many things to complete.. too many things to think about.. my brain's capacity jz ain't enough..

friends

2008-02-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

some quotes for my beloved friends!!! long time since i've posted some decent 'literatury' posts.. =p

A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.

Frank Crane

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Edgar Watson Howe

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend.

Albert Camus

The best time to make friends is before you need them.

Ethel Barrymore

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.

Arnold H. Glasgow

The road to a friend's house is never long.

Danish Proverb

Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too.

Thomas Fuller

Happy Valentines to all my beloved friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the beginning of the quarter..

2008-01-09T15:27:00.000-08:00

it's the third day of official campus life at cal poly pomona and there's already like tonnes of readings to do.. tonnes of assignments waiting for me to get started on.. and homework piling.. and the best part, my quizzes and exams starts next week.. i haven't even time to start adapting and here they are already trying to kill me with workload.. the worst subject is political science!!!!! why on earth do i have to study bout the american government?!?!?! it's not like i'm gonna be a citizen here.. and it's not like i'm even trying to apply for PR here.. i've no clue what the hell the lecturer is babbling about.. and i can't give any opinions or views when he asks questions in class.. he luvs to question his students and heck.. i'm always in the first 2 rows.. sighz.. i can't sit at the back as the americans are tall and big ppl.. they'll just block my view and i can't allow tht to happen.. well.. at least i've plenty of things to keep me busy for the time being and it sorta takes my mind off home.. campus is really big.. dah la in TPM oso i can get lost in the library, over here i could get lost anywhere.. being lazy to walk is a thing of the past.. since my mum is way back in m'sia, there's no one else to fetch me where ever i wanna go.. and transportation sucks here, so i'll just have to depend on my legs i guest.. planning to get a car here with my frenz if it's not too expensive tho.. otherwise i'll just walk i guess.. it's kinda hard to walk in the cold, dry weather tho.. can hardly breathe.. sighz.. now it's jz back to reading, reading, and more reading.. wonder when will i complete so many articles and chapters.. God save me!!!!!!!! =(

SHOPPING!!!!!!!!

2008-01-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

hehe.. went shopping today.. omg.. branded stuffs are so much cheaper here.. especially when there's clearance sales now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this place is a shopping heaven for branded stuffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but sadly.. i can't find shoes and pants my size here.. =( everything is so big!!!!!!!!!!!!! but at least got 2 lip gloss from victoria's secret.. it's a freaking 10usd for 2.. hehe.. got it during sales.. so cool!!!!!!!!!!! branded stuffs r so cheap.. i'm so getting a blackberry be4 i go back.. or when i get my ssn code.. then i can get a blackberry with wifi n everything for bout 300usd only!!!!!!!!!!!!! y buy in m'sia for 2000 over ringgit when u can get it here for bout 1100 ringgit only!!!!!!!!!!! wakaka.. but i spent a lot for transport.. it's a darn 1usd for every bus trip.. to n fro would be 2usd dy.. so so freaking damn expensive.. spent 12usd jz on bus ride this week.. eeyyeerr.. so much for saving lo.. can't save on anything 1.. by the time i convert it's so expensive ady.. n the worst part is.. i've to use my legs all the time.. sobz!!!!!!!!!!! hv to walk so much!!!!!!!!! campus is so so far from my apartment.. it's like walking from TPM to sri saujana.. if u all noe where's tht.. i think 1 day i've walked as far as from kl centre all the way back to OUG.. no joke wei.. hv to walk everywhere i go.. n there's no specific mall where u can get everything from 1 place.. there's a special mart where u get food n grocery stuffs, a special shop for furniture, special shop for electrical appliances, n another shop fro stationaries n other miscellaneous items.. damn ma fan rite.. instead of getting all in 1 place, i've to walk to 5 different places to finish shopping.. n the places are like damn freaking far lo.. i feel faint at the end of everyday.. n hv to wait 30 to 40 mins outside in the cold for bus.. damn!!!!!!!!!! i miss home!!!!!!!! i'm really OUT of my comfort zone dy.. waaaaaaaaaa........ =(

2008-01-04T23:08:00.001-08:00

DAMN!!!!!!!!!! it RAINED today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
& as if it's not cold enough it had to pour the whole day.. it's soo cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss the weather back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss sweating.. i hardly sweat here.. actually.. more like.. i've never sweat in a week.. =(

2008-01-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

I'm FREEZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so DAMN cold at night!!!!!!!!

guess i shouldn't complain so much.. Christine's place could be 10x colder.. =(

journey to the land of the rich & famous?!?!

2007-12-31T20:06:00.000-08:00

wahhhhh!!!!!!!!! can't believe time flies.. n now i'm already in the campus in pomona california blogging bout this.. the flight here sucks!!!!!!! 18 dreaded hours nearly claimed my life man.. having second thoughts bout goin back to m'sia during the summer.. =S there's nth to do in the plane except sit, sleep, eat, n watch some of the movies they provide on the entertainment counter.. n all the custom procedures are so tiresome.. reached LA with half my mind gone cz of boredem.. n i din even managed to snap any shots cz i was too tired to move.. n 2 freaking darn heavy bags!!!!!! dunno where i got the idea of bringing so many things in the first place.. i can't even lift it up.. talk bout carrying to n fro from m'sia to LA.. will post up some pics when i get started with my cam.. btw.. downtown LA is not a very nice place to be in.. i think it could be more polluted n noisy n definitely more congested if compared to kl.. but around LA is filled with fun stuffs we could do.. hehe.. hopefully i get to check out anaheim or hollywood be4 the term begins.. =p tht would be like in a weeks time.. jz a lil update for those who're curious of my well-being & if i'm still alive.. =p

my supposed farewell.. =p

2007-12-17T21:46:00.000-08:00

to sum1 i adore n hv cherished all my life..

2007-09-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

BLESSED BURFDAY to my dearest daddie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

without u, i won't be here n i won't be who i am today.. i'm so glad i've the best daddie ever!!! i'm so glad i've such a wonderful family.. one tht i would cherish till the day i depart from this world.. one tht i would die for if i hv to.. i'm so grateful!!!

I LUV MY FAMILY SO SO MUCH!!!!

my beloved parents!!! i am who i am today because of them..

my family.. more preciuos than any jewels on earth.. luv luv luv them lotz..

once again..

HAPPIE BURFDAY DADDY!!!!!!!!!

To a very gud n dear fren..

2007-08-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

It's just so sad to see every single one of my childhood frenz leaving to pursue their dreams.. All of us have grown up into fine young adults and we're each departing to pursue our own dreams.. It's a gud sign i guess.. but it's just so sad when it comes to bidding farewell.. =(

Christine.. There are so many nice things tht i ought to say to u but.. I just couldn't get it out at the farewell party or when i saw u on sunday.. I know tht if I were to say it, I couldn't help tearing.. it was quite hard to try to keep tears in when one of my bestest n oldest fren is leaving for 4 years.. we might see each other during the 4 years or we might not.. but nway..

Christine,
I guess I've known u ever since u were in diapers.. really cute then n now.. hehe.. it's amazing tht we've been frenz ever since.. actually, to me, it's more like sisters.. sweet memories, huh.. remember the times when we use to play hide n seek at ur old house?? n all those past midnight carolling we use to have.. those were the times.. n i really cherish those moments.. i really thank God for bringing u n the others into my life.. couldn't imagine how my years would be like without all of u there to support me n to encourage me.. i'm really glad too tht u were there with me thru carollings, gatherings, my first camp, first youth quake, thru JS.. it would be a lot different without u.. altho u're not as crazy as most of us are, but u were much fun to be with.. i luv to see u smile n laugh.. it's quite different from the others.. n the smirk when u tease me.. gonna miss tht for a couple of years.. u've been a great encouragement to me (u may not realize).. especially when i'm worship leading.. jz looking at u n brian playing calms me down a lot.. the thought tht u're in it with me creates a different sorta atmosphere (it seem much more fun).. many times communication was rather indirect but u understand me nevertheless.. there was no need for lotza words.. haha.. n sometimes u jz left me speechless with ur vast range of vocabulary.. n the proper sentences while my sentences are all mixed n jumbled with english n malay words.. kinda embarassing, now to come to think bout it =p can't express how heavy hearted i am to see u leave.. but.. at the same time, i'm really happy tht u've made a choice n excited tht u'll be exploring a new world.. be sure to be alert at all times k.. listen for His guidance n u'll never go wrong.. He'll take care of u.. long msg huh.. but actually, i've audited n cut short dy.. haha.. last but not least.. dun forget me ya.. hehe.. n i won't forget u either.. best frenz forever ya.. come visit me in cal if u've time.. we could go hollywood or disneyland or long beach.. considerably near from my campus.. or we could go shopping in new york together.. or i could visit u.. till then.. take gud care ya.. n God bless..

with love.

Ai Mie's farewell = 'bowl'-ing day..

2007-06-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

Ai Mie has officially left us for MMU in Malacca.. sobz.. so sad rite.. things would never be the same without her aroung in church.. we're gonna miss her 4 degree of laughter.. =p after giving much thoughts n considerations on wut to do for her farewell, we ended up goin to times square for some pure 'bowl'-ing fun.. if u noe wut i mean.. ^^

THE EVENT ('BOWL'-ING)

check out the VIIP for the day.. check out her moves.. sadly.. it's not a strike..

whoa!! it seems like the ball's gonna 'masuk longkang'.. wakaka.. some skills he was bragging bout.. =p
now check out mr chie in action.. he's a serious 'bowl'-er.. haha.. but in the end.. still 'masuk longkang'.. sad.. =p
now let us show u the right way to 'bowl'.. tada!!!! the malay version of 'bowl'-ing.. haha..

CANDID SHOTS...

checking out sum guyz i see christine.. haha.. at least ai mie knows where to look.. =p

checking out the scores.. sighz.. brian has the highest score it seems.. ish.. tht fella.. look how sad my bro n joash is.. hehe..

hey.. wut do u noe.. lil emerson can 'bowl' really well too.. now doesn't he look like chie jr.. =p

the VVIP for the day..
aunty chew mae had fun with us too.. n as usual.. rekha is there showing her 'mengada'ness.. haha.. n wy leong's bz savoring his ice cream.. mm mmmm.. guess whose head is below the pic..
the not so mengada ppl.. like me n wy lyn.. haha..
sighz.. another mengada fella.. org suruh buat 1 dia buat yg lain pula..

THE GROUP..

the galz..
the guyz..
pretending to be cool?!?! plz la.. wakaka.. =p the group of siao kiis..

THE END.... *BOW*

back to childhood times???

2007-05-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

check out the people whom i grew up with.. Jocelyn & Christine are 2 people whom i've been frenz with ever since we were in diapers.. n they've been there to encourage me n also to gv me a lil boost when i'm back sliding.. i guess basically all the youths in church are my childhood frenz.. we've been seeing each other once a week ever since we were born.. cherish the bond we share so much.. n not to forget the fun times we've spent together..

Brian, mua, Jocelyn n Christine.. childhood frenz.. luv u ppl..

with uncle Chie n Estelle.. Estelle's so cute.. actually i think all 4 kids of his are super adorable..

the 3 musketeers.. or Charlie's Angels.. tht's wut the church ppl use to describe us last time.. sadly.. Jo has left us now.. *sobz*

see no evil.. speak no evil.. hear no evil.. heart no evil???

see no evil.. speak no evil.. hear no evil.. n of course.. smell no evil.. *wakaka*

and both our professional posers showing off their camwhoring skills.. who's the winner.. *wonders*

i'm gonna miss every single second i've spent with all of u back at GMC.. u ppl hv shared so much with me.. n we've gone thru all the joy n sorrows.. n all the camps together.. from helping out at VBS.. being 'tormented' by lil monsters.. n bathing the lil monsters.. n running after them.. to organizing camps.. n thru all the countless n numerous committee meetings.. n oso the times when we had meeting for hours in the cabin.. until our parents got fed up of waiting.. n oso all the outings.. kite flying.. lrt treasure hunts.. movies n etc.. n the sleepovers.. new year bash.. where we all get soaking wet throwing buckets of water over each other.. i'll miss all those times.. growing up together physically, emotionally, spiritually.. spending quality fellowship time with all of u.. i'm gonna really really miss all of u!!! *sobz*

Easter celebration!!!

2007-05-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

sorry ppl for the late easter post.. =p We had a massive Easter Celebration this year.. in collabration with Tabernacle Church Kuala Lumpur.. Sentul is gonna experience revival like no other.. i'm so thrilled to be able to witness the quake be4 i'm leaving for the states.. i guess it was a big success considering tht almost the whole church compound was filled with ppl.. nway.. we had another easter musical kinda thingy.. dunno wut they call it.. but.. it looks like another musical thingy to me.. hehe.. here we go..

THE POSERS!!!!!!!!!

creepy much.... *aiks*

our mission for the day.. we live to scare off the kids.. *boohoohoo*

another mission.. we live to pose.. =p
half of the dancers.. the others were bz eating.. tak tunggu kita pun!! *hmmph*
the blur effect of the BFs.. united we stand.. *cheers*

THE ACT!!!
Actors!!! At ease!!!!!!!
Scene 1.. action!!!!!!!!
alamak.. tht annoying tiang blocking.. *grunts*

the demons are partying.. a masquerade party?? *wonders*

THE DANCE!!!!

ready galz?!?! *stammering*

hey.. we dun look tht bad do we?? =p

hmmm.. guess we really aren't tht bad after all.. *haha*

THE GRAND FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

n it's all thanks to everyone's hardwork.. *woot*

guess it's another successful event for us.. looking forward for more.. hehe..

sunshine after the rain..

2007-05-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

finals is almost over.. this is by far the worst semester i've ever went thru.. countless lab reports.. numerous assignments.. i've 6 subjects to juggle.. tonnes of presentations.. freaking many quizzes n test.. AND.. the worst part is being sick during finals!!!!!!! to top it all up.. the final paper for every subject was freaking hard.. i'm not sure if it's jz me.. but.. i think it is.. i find it really hard to answer most of the question.. i find myself such a disappointment n embarassment.. nearly cried in the exam hall over a few physics question.. sighz.. n i think the invigilators saw me tearing up.. how embarassing is tht?? damn it.. thank God this sem is ending in a few days time.. gud riddance.. i've been experiencing really terrible mood swing this few days.. no thanks to finals.. i'm so sorry to those i've offended during this period of time.. i din mean to ignore or put up a sulky face..

on the brighter side.. Alvin n Nicole's getting married today!!!!!!! hooray!!!!!! congratulations!!!!!! hehe.. finally.. after dunno how many years.. =p

HANDSOME HUNK + GORGEOUS BABE = A HAPPIE FAMILY WITH 'TO-DIE-FOR' KIDS

haha.. nway.. i guess behind every rain cloud is the sun.. after every storm is a rainbow.. hope's still alive if only we hv faith.. a rotten day would turn out to be a happy n glorious day for some others..

over n out..

~yuen mei~

2007-04-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

BLESSED EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

A VERY HAPPY CHOPSTICKS DAY!!!!!!!!

God sent His Son, Jesus, to die for each n everyone of us.. to bear the burden of our sins.. to suffer the judgment of man n for the crime He had nvr committed.. to be stripped of all His humility and His dignity.. He has gone thru all these for all of us.. n i can nvr be more grateful..

We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you.

Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

'bowl' posers!!!!!!

2007-04-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

we're such siao kias.. haha.. spent the whole day in church setting up the stations of the cross for the holy week.. we were working under the hot sun for almost 10 hours.. can't blame us for being a lil crazy.. hehe.. rekha has been my bestest pal for a very very long long time.. sum1 u can really laugh with or scream with or if u need a lil sarcasm to get u kicking for the day, she's the one.. altho we're super tired n exhausted.. we still managed to snap a few shots n sang a few songs.. till it drizzled.. some voices we have huh.. haha..

some great posers we are huh..

the bowl looks really shiny n all.. can't believe 1 stupid bowl like tht's so freaking expensive.. who noes.. selling bowls might actually strike u rich.. haha..

tht's our station behind.. we din really pitch it tho.. but.. we decorated it.. i'm so proud..

the uncles n aunties helping out were seriously worried bout us i think.. probably they thought we kena heat stroke or sth.. =p

check out our blood stained hands.. hehe..

no idea y i'm blogging this.. probably cz i'm really bored.. n i've nth better to do.. sighz.. can't wait for my holidays in may!!!!!!!!!!!!

havoc in the lab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered how our lab sessions are????????? haha.. imagine a bunch of monkeys being let loose in the lab.. yup.. a typical day at the lab.. is like.. a whole day of being boringly fun.. laughters.. art sessions.. posing lessons.. cam whorring monkeys in action.. n not to say a day facing a whole lot of disgusting samples..

the beginning of a not so normal day at the lab..

it always starts when people try to be hardworking and to do early preparations before the lab begins.. check out peng chuan.. like damn hardworking.. NOT!!!!!! haha..

yea.. lab reports could be freaking frustrating.. i totally hate lab reports.. but i hv to say.. peng chuan's pose really does look like a monkey's.. wakaka..

tht's an assured sign of madness.. aww.. kesian.. lab reports can definitely drive u nuts..

later on at the microbiology lab..

this is what we do when experiments drive us up the wall.. or when experiments fail.. or when the lab demonstrator is out and we had to wait..

but.. microbiology experiments are really fun!!! we get to culture our own bacterias.. cool huh!! n it's very interesting n exciting too.. especially when u get to see the bacteria colonies grow into different shapes n sizes.. the not-so-nice side of it is.. the bacterias cultured really stinks.. eeewwww.. worst than rotten egg.. no wonder i feel sick nowadays.. =p

our precious work.. no thanks to john n i.. to barbaric dy.. break the agar.. sobz.. berlubang dy.. thank God our precious bacterial colonies weren't really contaminated..

our colony of sthaphylococcus aureus i think.. bout to determine wut it is.. which explains y it's still in good condition.. because i haven't touched it yet!!!!!!!!! wakaka..

next stop for the day.. organic chemistry lab session..

instead of paying full attention in our work.. we did this!!! isn't the elephant cute?? credit goes to yan ru..

do u hv any idea wut this cute lil elephant is made off?? it's made out of the rubber gloves we wear in the lab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk bout being bored..

honestly.. it wasn't like we were lazy n refused carry out our experiment.. dah la there's only a few Buchner apparatus n a few suction filters.. sum ppl jz dun understand the meaning of the word 'considerate'.. sighz..

moving on to the molecular biology lab..

tht is a sample of uterus cell.. freaking disgusting.. n we jz had lunch.. sickening.. eeewww.. then there was the breast sample as well.. this is where we did our DNA n RNA purification n isolation.. interesting but.. thank God i had gloves.. wouldn't touch tht thing with my bare hands even if i was given a thousand dollars.. yuckks..

then things begin to heat up while we were waiting for the samples to be ultracentrifuged.. the survival of the fittest.. najmee vs poh li.. *ding ding*

n the tournament began..

go poh li!!! go poh li!!!! she might be small but.. she's really strong.. galz rule!!!!!

told u poh li's strong.. look at how najmee struggles.. kepala pun dah turun ke bawah.. =p

ending the day with us cam-whorring dudes.. keke..

goin cuckoo after a day of work.. *slaps*

keep up the nice pose gal.. =)

successfully centrifuged sample.. definitely calls for a celebration.. *woot*

n the day repeats itself every thursday when we hv a whole day of lab.. with more crazy ideas.. more laughter.. n definitely more cam whorring.. haha..

2007-03-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought my blog was a goner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can't believe i actually forgot my password.. talk bout being forgetful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wut a loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back on track..

2007-03-03T04:05:00.001-08:00

After a long break.. i'm finally back on track!!!!!!!! haha.. was too lazy to blog.. many things hv came to past now that 2006 is gone.. n many incidence have taken place this new year.. i've learned that there's no point in making new year resolutions.. i asked for good health for my family n of course myself as well.. but.. i was diagnosed with chicken pox on the 3rd of january.. bad luck huh.. it was dreadful.. i nvr thought chicken pox could be so bad.. i really had it bad man.. it was like a real life nightmare.. one that took me 3 weeks to wake from.. thank God it's over.. unfortunately, i'm scarred for life by those awful spots.. sobz.. damn sad rite.. hurts my eyes jz looking at them.. thank God there aren't any on my face.. those spots aren't gonna go off i guess.. i'd better live with it then.. other than the terrible bad luck that befall me.. i guess i had a great time reuniting with my frenz.. some i've been seeing off n on.. some whom i haven't seen in ages.. some of them i've not met ever since primary 6!!!!!! gosh!!!!!!!!! i noe wut r some of u thinking.. do i recognize them rite?? honestly.. no.. haha.. but.. it does ring a bell sumhow.. i'll blog more later.. guess my blogging mood is back.. =p

Youth Quake 2006!!

2006-12-10T02:58:00.000-08:00

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Cameron Highlands!!

2006-12-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

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update!! updates!!!

2006-10-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

hehe.. sorry for abandoning this blog.. if keat yee hadn't pestered me to update, i guess i would be the usual lazy me.. malas la wanna update.. there are so many things going on & gosh!!! it's damn hard to keep up!!! sad case huh.. errr.. let's see.. last semester ended & the new semester has started.. sighz.. last semester was a mess!! thought i could do better but well.. i guess the lecturers had the better of us.. especially a certain critical thinking lecturer!!! sobz.. she gave us all not only bad grades but a really traumatising nightmare that none of us would forget.. sad huh.. i've obtained a very very low grade of C+.. & guess wut??? that's like the highest score in the whole class of 30 over people.. surprising huh!!! i almost fainted when i got the news.. LITERALLY!!! thank God my frenz snapped me back into reality.. sobz.. i'm NOT a critical thinkier after all.. no wonder some even doubt if i had a brain.. now even i doubt my own brains.. nway.. this updating thingy hv to wait.. got someone else waiting for me to get sth else done..

~to be continued~

...Lost Without You... v2.0

2006-09-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

y do things have to change?? how come they can't remain the way they are forever?? things doesn't seem to be at its sunny-side-up anymore.. things started getting bad since 2005.. well, there was a lot of work n studies was a major headache, not to say a pain in the butt!!! but, it was still manageable.. thank God, with His grace and mercy, i got through STPM alive.. results wasn't as gud as i dreamt, but good enuff.. that's all that matters, as long as He is with me, everything else doesn't matter.. as long as i have Him by my side, i noe that i would be ok n things would turn up eventually.. i just noe that He would not abandon me.. until recently.. not long after Jeremiah School.. things seem to be going great!! well, it's wut i think (very subjective, i noe).. then everything stopped.. it was like i'm caught in a time tunnel.. everything just stopped happening.. my urge to doing things wasn't there.. He wasn't there anymore!!!!!!!! y isn't He speaking to me?? hv i sin against Him? wut have i done?? i'm lost.. everything seems blank without Jesus.. i feel like an empty vessel.. left with just the shell, nth else.. pure silence and emptiness.. i felt hurt n miserable.. yet.. part of me was just lagging.. not taking any interest in anything.. faking almost all my thoughts and expression.. i guess i felt God was abandoning me.. without realizing that it was vice-versa.. i'm useless.. i noe.. helpless and useless.. it does makes me think if i'm worthy of all that He has done for me.. i wish i would be able to solve this problem soon.. life without Him sucks!!!!!!! my life is so incomplete.. i dun wanna feel pain beyond comparison and ultimate darkness..
just thought i would like to share my thoughts and wut i'm going thru.. i pray hard that no one would be goin thru it.. life without Jesus is worst than being locked up in an isolation cell with nth but darkness and limited space.. it's worst than being lost in the Bermuda Triangle.. knowing about Jesus is one thing.. Knowing Him, loving Him and communicating with Him is another thing..

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

...Lost Without You...

2006-09-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

Probably every christians would say that spiritual life is just like a roller-coaster ride.. there are alwiz ups n downs n some valley r definitely steeper n deeper than others; some peaks are like everest whereas some r like gunung kinabalu.. although i've been a christian all my life, i've nvr seemed to hv experienced the whole roller-coaster ride.. until now.. when i first experienced God's touch, it was like WOW!!!!!!!! mere words could never explain how i felt at that time.. those were the most precious moments of my life.. to be touched by God and to hear His voice was the greatest gift i could ever dream of receiving.. my entire life would be of no regrets if everyday i'm able to walk in His footsteps, beside Him.. the feeling is of no other.. and i would never trade it for any other things on earth.. those were my ups.. however, i guess all gud things will never last.. the feel-good times only lasted for bout a year.. then it was back to square one.. things were back to normal.. the relaxing state i guess.. then it went back up.. the peak wasn't as high as the first tho.. but nonetheless, i was still drenched and soaked in the spirit.. it was cool and i was really glad to be alwiz in God's presence.. to feel loved, wanted, to feel significant, and to feel as part of the team.. most importantly, to feel that i belonged to somebody.. i noe my family loves me and i've frenz, but the feeling is jz different.. things were great n it is as though nothing seems to bother me and everything went extremely well.. i guess all's well that ends well.. not just yet tho..

~to be continued~

..Lord..You've gotta hear me out..

2006-08-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In timeYou'll find the way

..when depression takes over..nothing seems right..

2006-08-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

i've been experiencing all sorts of emotions, conditions, and various state of mind these few months.. never in my entire life have i thought tht life is so tough and full of illusions.. most of my frenz used to say i'm delusional,cz i would be day dreaming and my thoughts would be drawn to 'happily-ever-after' all the time.. i used to think that there would always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and tht tom would alwiz turn out better.. well, tht was a very long time ago ever since i've had those childish optimist thoughts.. i guess u could say tht humans change after the toughness they've gone through.. life hasn't been pretty, as a matter of fact, i dun think life has been treating me well these couple of months.. i have been sick of my boring, dull old life for a long time.. things has been getting from bad to worst n i often feel tht my life is nothing but boring n gloomy.. nothing seems to interest me anymore.. not even planning for camps or going for a vacation excites me.. youth quake is coming up and tht is sth to look forward to but it doesn't sound as exciting tht i thought it could be (not tht i'm saying it's not exciting, it is, it's jz tht it doesn't seem to excite me as much anymore).. i miss my school days.. i miss my frenz.. i do have frenz, very nice frenz i would say, in col now.. but it's jz so different.. there's jz sth not really right when i am where i am now.. they r cool and nice and all but i jz find it difficult to click in.. the topic of discussions, the environment, my emotions around them, my thoughts r jz so different.. i am SO NOT me when i'm in col!!! i feel like i'm a big-time faker!! it's not like i wanna be one but i jz couldn't bring myself to act like who i am.. situations do not allow it, and i hate to be alert all the time.. sometimes i feel tht i'm not the only big-time faker there.. having to think maturely, having to be at my best at all times, having to be alert of wut ppl say n do is killing me!! sometimes i guess wut ppl say bout me is very true.. not only i dun look like a 20-year-old girl, i dun even act like one too!! it's like my age is way ahead of my time (no idea wut i'm talking about).. right now, situations r pushing me to grow up, to step out of my comfort zone, my condusive environment.. no more childishness, no more fooling around, no more immature thoughts, no more relying on others to cover up the mess i've made.. after all the mistakes i've made in my lifetime, i've realized tht i've nvr really learned from my mistakes.. ppl come n go, walked in n out of my life, trying to leave preciuos advice with me, but me, being such a numb-skull, would nvr key it in into the empty brain of mine.. i've came across comments like "yuen mei, y r u so smart? u can even do well, even when u've not studied hard".. all my life, i've been very blessed with good results, besides my STPM results, i've been able to achieve strings of A's, and honestly, i've no idea how.. but wut's the use of good academic results but poor understanding in life? it seems like i'm facing life all alone.. feeling so helpless n hopeless at times.. where were YOU when i called? did YOU hear me?

Dedicated To Grandfather...

2006-08-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Before the world began, You were on His mind

And every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes

Because of His great love, He gave His only son

And everything was done so you would come

Nothing you can do, could make Him love you more

Nothing that you've done, could make Him close the door

Because of His great love, He gave His only Son

Everything was done so you would come

Come to the Father, though your gift is small

Broken hearts broken lives He would take them all

The power of the Word, the power of His blood

Everything was done so you would come

Grandfather.. God has kept His promise that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal live.. I'm sure you're having a gud time up in heaven and we on earth shall rejoice and be happy.. I'm sure you are well protected by God and that you're no longer paralyse.. And i noe tht u're watching us from heaven.. thank you for your care for me.. i really cherish it.. i shall await the day when we finally meet in heaven and we shall rejoice together in the choir of the angels!!!

My Dearest Grandpa...

2006-08-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

I have been really blessed by God for giving me such a great grandpa.. although we're not blood related (cz he's actually my cousins grandfather), he treats me like his very own grandchild.. i remember the times when i was in primary school and i had no choice but to stay at my cousins house after schooling hours until my parents pick me up after work.. my cousins house was like my second home then cz i spent more time there than my real home.. my cousins grandparents treat me really well and they tries to offer me the best and takes really gud care of me.. her grandpa on the other hand, luvs to chat and never fails to tell me all his wonderful stories and experience when he was young.. he was a really friendly man and i cherish the times when he calls me from inside the kitchen "AH MEI!!! HAVE U EATEN!!!".. now tht he's called back to heaven, there's no one to call me from inside the kitchen anymore.. another person less who would tell exciting stories to me and one person less to care for me.. honestly, although he's not my 'real' gramps, I REALLY MISS HIM!!!!
I pray that Lord, You would take care of him and that i would be able to see him again one day in heaven!!!!! God, i pray tht You would comfort his family members as well.. I can't thank you enough for giving me the privilege to be a 'grandchild' to him.. Amen!

If only..

2006-07-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

If only i had realize how much time i had wasted these 20 years of my life sooner.. if only i had practice for tht darn piano exam on mon more consistently.. if only i had started on my lame assignments earlier.. if only i had study for the stupid quiz.. if only i hadn't lose focus during classes.. if only the certain 'someone' i like like me as well.. if only i had no feelings.. if only i wasn't sent down to earth n i was still in heaven.. if only i know wut i'm doin.. if only i noe wut's God's plans in my life.. if only there aren't so many regrets in my life...
piano exam's on monday & i'm totally unprepared.. yea.. and i'm blogging and goin online and watching tv and rushing assignments.. urgh.. and doin a lot of other stuffs i shouldn't be doin at a time like this.. i jz hope i dun fail tht's all.. gosh.. the toughest grade and i'm playing a fool.. sobz.. i jz so hope tht this wouldn't be another addition to my collection of regrets.. God, help!!!!!!!! desperate times calls for desperate measures.. prayer needed guyz.. stress overload.. anxiety building up.. sigh.. at this rate i think i'm gonna die in california..

Time Out!!!

2006-06-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

This past few weeks have really been digging the life out of me.. i've no idea why i feel so tensed up & stressed up.. assignments were as usual, not really piling up, well, if it is it's cz i've been procrastinating again but tht's not the reason.. exams r over tho the few days b4 exams were pretty bad but i survived.. lecture time is quite dispersed so it's not really a problem but why am i feeling the stress?? it's stress overload man!!! the fact tht wut stresses me has nothing to do with studies really bothers me a lot.. sobz.. i really do hope i dun start losing hair again.. the symptoms of overstressed r revealing already.. restless nights, crazy diet, short term memory (as in really short), day-dreaming most of the time.. gosh.. i hope it would be over with soon.. i so screwed up my business ethics, psychology and critical thinking tests.. sobz.. and i can't even concentrate on my assignments.. i'm so dead!! sobz.. something mz be wrong with my brain.. took me 1 whole hour jz to get this post typed out.. tht proves how bad my condition is.. guess i really had it.. i need my 1 week break b4 i really go cuckoo!!! i guess all these stress are mainly bulit up cz of my own thoughts.. hv been worrying so much bout my grandma's hand & my mum's leg.. my mum hv been complaining of leg pain since last year but no doctor has came up with any remedies for it.. they dun even noe wut's wrong with her.. i'm a lil worried.. & then, she's telling me bout her not being able to be with me all the time really gets me all tensed.. sobz.. i really dun feel like goin off to california at all now.. not when both of them r like tht.. hope tht i'm jz worrying for nth.. couldn't bear the thought of them not being there for me.. probably it's jz my crazy thoughts & probably i'm jz stressing myself up for nth but.. i can't help it.. i noe it's crazy but i've alwiz wished tht there's only life and no death.. there are only beginnings and no ends, meetings and no farewells, hellos and no goodbyes.. God.. i'm really freaking sad.. i need a break! makes me feel damn useless.. dunno when i'll start breaking down, probably very soon..

~yuen mei~

When the sun never rise & when skies are always grey..

2006-06-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

I have to say this year's church camp in Malacca Watercity was great and i have really experience much more than just an encounter with God. Pastor Cornelio, Pastor Deborah, Pastor Graham, Rev Kim and all the other camp committee did a really great job.. I was truly awed by the praise and worship we offered to God.. and I've witness deliverance with my very own eyes.. this year's church camp hit a target of 170 people and that's more than double of our annual church camp attendance and i truly believe tht God will bless us richly..
Although the church camp was great and everything was so uhmm.. spiritual, i can't help feeling bothered, sad ,and miserable.. the camp was great until my grandmother slipped and fell and fractured her arm bone.. i was really shocked, more to terrified when i heard that my grandma fell.. there's this aching and piercing pain in my heart.. i was really sad when i see her go thorugh all the pain.. i really wanted to share half of her pain with her if not all.. i wanted to cry but there was no tears.. wanted to scream but no voice came out.. wanted to be happy but was feeling hollow inside.. i've no idea wut to do.. i guess i luv my grandma more than i realize..
After tht incident, nightmares followed every single night.. nightmares if attending my grandma's funeral.. and nightmares of not being to see my grandma for the last time before she goes back to the Lord..
I DUN WANNA GO TO CALIFORNIA!!! i'm afraid tht i might not see her again when i come back.. i'm afraid of losing something or someone tht i care so much for.. i dun wanna miss the chance of having the last few moments with her.. although i noe she's in perfect shape now but still there's the worries and there's the 'missing-her' part.. sobz.. my grandma was the one who brought me up and the one who cared for me when my parents went to work.. i have spent all the years of my life with her and she plays a vital role in my life.. there wouldn't be any yuen mei if it wasn't for her..
God.. please dun take her away from me so soon!! sometimes i do wish tht i would be the first to die in the family so i wouldn't have to go through all the pain when someone dies.. kinda selfish huh.. but i really can't bear the thought of them 'going' first.. is there any other way tht i could see her face-to-face all the time in california?? i'm gonna really miss my family.. though it's another year to go before i leave but a year passes by in jz a twinkling of an eye.. i'll be gone by the time u noe it.. i dun wanna leave so soon!!!

Trip to Korea!!!!!!

2006-05-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

Overwhelming frusration & fatigue & disappointment!!!

2006-05-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

So, it was 2 days in TPM for nothing!!! as if that's not enuff.. i jz received message that we might or might not have class tom.. so wut r we supposed to do?? hang around there again & wait?? i've piano class tom & i've ady cancelled so many classes jz to accommodate for this change of schedule.. i'm really freaking pissed right now.. not to say freaking disappointed!!! how can they do this to us??? my piano teacher is so gonna kill me for this.. & i'm so tempted to initiate butt kicking session!!! ish.. i'm so darn frustrated now!! i dunno wut to do!!! should i cancel my piano class or should i keep it & not go for the class?? wut if i cancel piano lesson & go back to col but they said it only commences on mon?? urgh!! i'm so tired of thinking!!! my brain hurts.. wished that they're more organized.. i like my course & i like it there.. won't wanna end up switching col jz cz of this.. but i can't be changing my piano teacher's schedule all the time!! tht would be so unfair for her!!! i for once is very against ppl foiling up my plans.. & i definitely won't wanna do that to others.. oh God!! such a simple matter yet with huge dillemma!!! sobz..

However, i guess God has been fair.. i had a great time with the JSers again!! although i had to watch Poseidon again but i have to admit i had a great time!! not with the movie but with my frenz.. celebrated Ian's birthday & went on with our normal lepaking & our normal laughter that fills the air of the whole midvalley.. how can we not when we have Erreekka & Lawrence around?? hehe.. i really thank God for these people God has brought into my life.. being able to spend time with them is truly my pleasure.. it's alwiz a pleasure & it's alwiz nice to see u JSers again!! oohh.. before signing out..

HAPPIE BURFDAY IAN!!!!

NO!!!! Extended Hol!!

2006-05-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

My 1 week of hols is finally over.. so, i went back to col on monday.. which was yesterday.. only to find out tht our timetable for this semester is not out yet.. & our classes only commence next mon.. so, technically i've 1 more week extended holiday.. wut the.. sigh.. i'm gonna have to rot at home with my exam pieces for 1 whole week.. they should hv at least informed us at least before the hols & not make us go to col for nothing.. & they made us go back to col today to confirm our exemptions & the subjects we're taking.. spend another day in col for nothing.. sigh.. but anyhow, finally, they confirmed my exemptions but will only be goin off to california in august next year.. however, i've to score at least a B for every subject!! sobz.. how am i gonna do tht?? i can't even guarantee or convince myself to score a C.. i hope God grants me miracles & blessings.. sighz.. then there r all the weird electives.. wut has performing arts, anthropology & psychology has to do with biotechnology? i mean i understand y business ethics is in but performing arts?? wut the heck?? & the worst part is i've to work equally hard for these subjects so tht i could score a minimum B.. this is SO frustrating!!! i seriously hope i could finish by July next year.. there's 10 more subjects to cover.. well, at least i've frenz to teman me through.. it's better than goin through it alone.. God!!! grant me the strength & the confidence man.. at the edge of freaking out here.. anthropology sounds freaky & i dun even noe wut the heck is it.. sobz.. however, i'm looking forward to organic chemistry though.. it has been my fave subject since.. since.. form 4 i think.. sigh.. memory deteriorating.. eyesight depreciating.. intelligence goin down the drain.. sigh.. to sum it all up.. yuen mei is getting dumber by the second.. he.. he.. & crazier.. & weirder..

~freaky yuen mei~

Mizzy.. Borry.. Dreamy.. Holly!

2006-05-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Holly, holly, holly!! i've been waiting for holidays since april but it seems that holidays can be quite boring.. first of all, i'm too lazy to go out.. secondly, i've nothing to do at home.. sigh.. i seriously dunno wut i wanna do now.. well, i guess on the brighter side, i could at least sleep all i want & replenish my energy after those few days of sleepless nights during the exam & the workshop.. but i can't be sleeping all day.. i'll go mad although i love to sleep! why is my holidays so boring?? why did we have to cancel the singapore trip? i would love to attend the workshop in singapore.. but sigh.. i guess it was never meant to be.. then there's the trip to Genting with keat yee & sharron.. sorry guyz.. i really dun mean to back out like that.. but there r so many circumstances.. well, i guess there r many other chances.. jz tht this time round is not the right time.. Oh man!! this has gotta be my most pathetic yet free yet relaxing hollidays.. all i need to do & can do is sit back & relax.. not like it's a bad thing, since i'm too lazy to get out of my house, into the hot & humid air, i guess staying home is the best idea.. can't help feeling bored though.. that accounts for why am i blogging so often.. cz i'm so FREAKING BORED!!! oh God, help me!!

~boring old yuen mei~

Youth Alpha is finally over!!

2006-05-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hooray!!! Youth alpha is finally over!!! sigh.. i never thought that i'll be so relieved when it's over.. after 3 months of working with this group of people, i guess we've learned a lot from each other.. more or less.. although i have my disatisfaction over certain things, but overall, i'm truly happy & proud that we've managed to pull it off.. youth alpha have been great overall.. the talk was great, the discussions were enlightening, though i've to admit í faced difficulties answering certain questions.. but however, i have to say that i've learned how to handle these questions.. being the group leader & all, i've definitely trained my patience, & honestly, it wasn't easy.. there were a few times where i nearly exploded but thank God i managed to contain it.. i'm not the type of person who would get mad or angry easily, in fact if i were to rate myself i guess i would say that it takes effort to make me get really agitated or frustrated over somethings or someone.. so, if anyone or anything that could cause me to nearly explode is no joke.. there were a few occasions that i really wished i wasn't there to take all those lame but hurtful criticism & jokes directed to me.. i noe i'm a very nice person to disturb & to tease & i dun really mind it provided if they dun go way overboard.. sigh.. some people seems to take this oppurtunity to 'climb over my head'.. but i did not approach or say anything just in case i hurt anyone.. so, i guess all i could do was just to ignore.. never i thought that it takes a lot of hardwork to ignore someone or somethings.. i really had it tough!! and all i could do was just to let it out to certain people.. feeling bad bout actually having to ignore instead of solving things.. feeling bad for that person as well.. but i'm really sorry, i really can't take it anymore.. it's really way beyond what i could handle.. bear in mind that if my actions ever hurt anyone, i'm truly sorry as i really did not meant it to hurt anyone.. besides, the myfers is like part of my family , extended family, & u people plays a vital role in my life.. family are supposed to stick together no matter what, & that's wut i intend to do.. i'm sticking to u guyz.. he.. he.. i jz pray & hope that this matters that we're encountering will be solved in the best way possible..

luv,
~yuen mei~

Heart Of Worship

2006-05-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

The Heart of Worship!! i've always wondered wut does it means to praise & worship God.. is it merely an act to thank & praise & worship Him for who He is?? r we only restricted to singing?? to me, praise & worship has always meant singing, clapping, music & all sorts of worship songs dedicated to our Lord.. until i've been elected to be a worship leader, i never really knew wut was its purpose.. during this few years as a worship leader in my church, i've learned a bit more about true praise & worship but it's still a little of a blur to me.. i've attended worship workshop over the years & have picked up information here & there but i guess i'm such a 'numb-skulled' person & it takes time for such a person like me to understand.. however, pastor Cornelius & pastor Deborah seems to deliver the message on worship, praise & prayer very well.. we had worship workshop in church on thursday & friday.. pastor Cornelius & his wife, pastor Deborah was our guest speaker.. pastor Cornelius was such a sweet person, he's very bubbly & he can really make u roll of ur chair.. pastor Deborah is also a very sweet & cheerful person & gosh, her memory is damn good.. talk bout a person memorizing word-for-word the chapters of the bible.. wow!!! i can't even memorize the shortest chapter in the bible.. she's great & both of them are actually evangelising in singapore.. they're truly God's faithful & dedicated servants.. wut hit me the most in the session i guess was how pastor Cornelius related worship to Mary's incident with Jesus.. i've never looked at worship this way.. it was truly an eye-opener.. & i guess i've finally grasp the meaning of true worship.. the worship sessions we had during the workshop was filled with not only singing but dancing too!!! dancing as in not only jumping, dancing round with banners, ribbons, fans, or with every part of their body.. i was truly amazed at the sight.. i could fill the joy of God's people when they're praising Him.. & i've never thought that praise & worship could be done this way.. it is such a joy to see God's people having fun & having so much happiness, trust, faith & joy when praising Him.. then after the sessions, usually we'll have time of prayer till early morning.. prayer is truly powerful!! deliverance, miracles & healing will take place if only u ask & have faith.. i could feel the annointing & the holy spirit as it moves round the room touching each & everyone in the room!! though the deliverance of spirits were kinda scary but i've faith that nothing will be able to harm us because Jesus has won all battles for us.. all we need to do is only to believe! though i've been really exhausted due to lack of sleep ever since exams started, i'm glad i went for the workshop.. it was definitely the experience of the lifetime.. never had i thought of praise, worship & prayer in the way pastor Cornelius & pastor Deborah put it.. surely all praise, honour, glory & power goes to God & God alone!

peace out!!
~yuen mei~

Holly Holly... Mizzie holly!!!

2006-05-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

finally, the semester is over.. sigh.. not tht it's a great thing to celebrate.. cz i noe the next semester will be 10 times worst.. but, well, i guess at least there's a week break.. sigh.. and the psychotic flu virus had to attack me of all days.. wut a bummer!!! there goes a few days of fun.. sigh.. stuck at home.. have to practice for the troublesome piano exam coming up.. can't believe i've only 2 months left to practice!! sigh.. i guess i should have completed it way back during form 3.. then i wouldn't be suffering now.. sigh.. my fault.. my fault.. yes!! & my fault again.. then there's the english test i screwed up badly the other day.. can't believe i had problem coming up with a factual essay!!! i wonder wut's wrong with me.. seriously.. then i had problems looking out for grammar mistakes!! what the heck!!! can't believe myself.. i noe i should've slept more before the exam.. sigh.. i din noe it'll cost me so much!! thought i could handle it but i'm jz too hopeless!!! on the brighter side, at least i could look forward to a whole week of hol without worrying bout assignments and exams.. and a whole week to catch up with my 'idiot box' and oso a whole week to catch up with my reading and a whole week to spend with my bed.. well, not too bad la.. desperately need my sleep.. i've been like a walking zombie for long enough.. guess it's time the zombie went back to her grave.. anyway, i guess i'm not making the singapore trip anymore.. another bummer!! everything doesn't seem to be going according to plan.. sobz.. hope the dinner this saturday will turn out well.. sigh.. i must be the most pathetic person ever to walk the earth!! y am i having such a miserable holiday?? y am i feeling so lousy?? i dun wanna be pathetic!!! sobz.. hopefully my hols will not turn out to be as bad as i think it will.. sighz..

~yuen mei over & out~

It has been a 'bloody' week!

2006-05-08T01:24:00.000-07:00

I have never felt so tired ever since STPM ended! i've been staying up until 4 a.m. for the past few days.. whoa!! can't believe i made it through! to come to think bout it, i think i nearly fell asleep during my communication exam just now.. it has definitely been a very 'bloody' week.. the assignments, and the presentation nearly 'claimed' my life! thank God i managed to survive it & finally hand it in today.. sigh.. i've been working on those for the past month! & it took me 4 whole nights to polish up on it.. & yet, it still looks & sounds horrible! I think my english is getting from bad to worst! i can't even pronounce intriguing without screwing up the 'u' for the first time! damn it!!! i'm such a freak.. sigh.. & i jz screwed up a few questions during my communications exam today.. & it carries a whole damn lot of marks! what a waste! with english exam coming up tom, dun think i could count of getting much of a sleep tonite.. sigh.. it's jz not possible! i jz hope i dun screw up too badly tom.. or i'll be done for.. althought there's less to study compared to STPM but the workload's killer.. & this is only a short semester where i've only 2, YES 2!!, subjects to concentrate on.. & yet i can screw it up.. u can tell how bad & terrible i am.. the next semester is a long semester where i'm going to take up 5 to 7 subjects, depending on my capability.. i really wonder how i'll do.. probably i'll 'die' before i've even gone through half the semester.. actually i'm still amazed that i actually got through with STPM!! i can't wait till wednesday when i've 1 week break before the next semester.. i'm dying here!! i need rest! no proper sleep for 4 whole nites is driving me crazy.. sigh.. it's jz so sad that i've to stop procrastinating.. all the assignments didn't even allocate time for me to procrastinate.. probably it's a good thing but i guess when u're used to something, it's jz weird when u're not doing it anymore.. then there's the 'Miracle Healing' workshop coming up in singapore, which my mum ask me to attend it with her.. well, it's a good oppurtunity for me to relax in singapore & it's oso a chance for me to experience God's hand at work! can't wait to go.. but then again, i'll be in singapore for 4 to 9 days.. which means i'll most likely be missing on the celebration dinner with my youths on saturday.. sobz.. there goes the fun.. & since my new semester would be starting on the 22nd of May, i'll be missing the mission trip to Myanmar too.. but i guess there'll be other chances next time since i've got a whole lifetime ahead.. but it's jz too bad that i can't make it earlier.. hope that i'll be blessed with the privilege to bless others in need!!

1 Peter 3:9
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

My Thoughts?

2006-05-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Sigh.. sometimes i wonder if i'm weird.. my mum offered to buy me a makeup kit last week.. well, i guess as a normal girl, i should be thrilled.. but i wasn't really thrilled.. i kept asking my mum, y on earht do i need a makeup set?? i mean i dun even noe how to use it to begin with!! besides, i hate the smell & after applying it, my face doesn't feels like uhmm.. my face anymore.. & gosh, it's damn hard to wash it off after that.. well, the only time i apply makeup is during concerts or performances.. other than that, who cares if i put on makeup.. i mean, it's better to be natural rite?? well, i've to admit tht after having done makeover & all, i do look different, i guess prettier, but it doesn't look like me.. i look like someone else & honestly, i dun really noe if i like it.. sigh.. i remember one of my frenz told me once.. a gal's appearance is the most important posession & a gal's beauty is above all else.. but i think character is very important too.. it's not only beauty rite?? beauty is only skin deep.. besides, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.. moreover, i dun think i'm that bad.. sigh.. exam's next week & i'm not an ounce prepared.. i'm so bored but i dun feel like studying currently.. no mood to do anything nowadays.. sigh.. & assignments due on mon.. & i'm still on cloud 9.. wut to do?? buck up, yuen mei!! buck up or u'll nvr make it to california.. it's hard to be optimistic all the time.. & it's hard to be realistic all the time cz reality hurts!! no idea wut i'm crapping about, feeling crappy & bothered & sad & moody & i've no idea what else.. i miss being young.. i miss school.. i miss being care-free.. i miss no worries.. i miss bein happy-go-lucky.. i miss being me!! haven't really been myself this few weeks.. haven't been crazy.. haven't done any mistakes.. haven't been lazy!! not me at all! a lot has been goin in my mind.. no time to even think of being myself.. i think i'm bout to explode anytime soon..
honestly, i've no idea wut's the aim of this post.. probably jz voice out my disatisfaction of myself.. well, that's it.. i'm officially goin nuts.. that jz so proved tht i'm officially weird.. 'yay' me!!

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words..

2006-04-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Eversince i came back from JS, everyone keeps asking me the same questions over & over again.. How was it?? Was it fun?? Isn't 6 weeks a bit too long?? sigh.. the same questions over & over again for the past 2 months.. no offense ya.. i jz wanna say it once & for all.. it was awesome.. really fun.. nvm.. i'll let the pic tell u everything.. ok.. ppl say a picture worth a thousand words.. he.. he.. any other questions jz ask away ya.. but dun ask the same one over & over again la k.. (not tht i dun like to answer but it's a lil pointless to answer a question for 100 times).. if u get wut i mean.. oh.. btw, 6 weeks is really short.. wish it was longer.. nway, JS is jz another sweet memory all together.. time to move on.. no point continuing to dwell in the past rite.. i think this is the last post from me regarding JS.. nway, the aim of this post is only to clarify questions.. no point repeating everything all over again rite?? he.. he.. over & out..

The VIPs in my life..

2006-04-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

Many people have walk in & out from my life but not many of them have managed to carve their names in my heart.. i really appreciate what God has done and all His plans for me are truly wonderful (tho i dun really noe what other plans He has in mind but i'm sure it's really awesome).. nway, like i was saying I really give thanks to God for bringing this group of people into my life.. they're r some of the VIPs in my life.. i've many friends but i dun think i've many close friends.. this group of people are my closest friends, my youth group back in church, my childhood friends, and oso my prayer partners.. we can always count on each other to uphold each other in time of needs.. I might not be the richest girl in the world, nor the prettiest nor the most popular but i'm really blessed to have friends like them who's always there for me when i needed support.. honestly, i dun really noe wut i'll end up to be if it wasn't for their words of encouragement for me.. yes, truly they're great people, devoted, faithful and willing to humble themselves, i've truly learned a lot from them and it's great to see them growing up physically, mentally & spiritually.. however, they're not the only VIPs in my life.. they're a lot more others such as my family, my relatives & of course other friends.. but most important of all i guess at the very end, i'll have to say that the most important person or 3 person of all is my one & only Father, Son and Holy Spirit in heaven.. why am i talking bout this?? he.. he.. coz i've nth better to do.. and i'm fed up of my assignments..& oso a reminder for myself tht i'm a very blessed child..

Good Friday!!!

2006-04-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

Jesus died on the cross at 2 p.m. today.. sob.. sob.. no idea y i alwiz feel depressed on good friday & i can't help noticing that the weather is also very depressing on good friday.. throughout the years, i've noticed that it'll be very dark, gloomy & somtimes it'll be a heavy downpour from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m every good friday.. the sky will be very dark & dark clouds will be hovering right above us in that 2 hours.. well, the whole nation should be sad because of wut Jesus did for us.. His unfailing love for us has cost him everything including His life.. sometimes i would wonder if it's worth it or r we worthy of all that He has done for us.. who r we that He should die for us?? who r we to claim His life & ask Him for forgiveness for every sin we've committed?? Who r we to judge others when God Himself gave us so many second chances?? what hv we done to deserve the rights to be called sons & daughters of God?? if God were to question us like that at the end times, how many of us will actually pass the test & proceed to heaven to be with Him eternally?? i really thank God that He's ever loving & ever forgiving.. & that He's alwiz giving us second chances so that we'll learn from our mistakes & nvr repeat it over & over again.. I'm ever grateful that on this solemn yet blessed occasion He has died for us & won our life back from hell for us.. after all He has done for me, i can't help asking myself wut I've done for Him.. wut have i done for Him?? pretty much nth i can think bout rite now.. other than serving in the church in wutever area i can, helping others with minor stuffs, otherwise it's nth at all.. I wish i could hv done more.. but i guess at the end it all comes down to how much u LOVE Him & how much u TRUST in Him.. humans would tend to judge other humans by their appearance but our ONE & ONLY LORD JESUS CHRIST looks at our hearts..

Further & further away..

2006-04-08T00:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a month plus since JS is over & 2 weeks of uni cum college life has just gone by.. i realize that i'll nvr be able to relive the whole perfect community we had druing the 6 weeks of JS.. those were the happiest & most care-free days of my entire life.. coming into uni, college, wutever u call it.. things r so different.. it's ur choice whether to study anot or to go for classes or not to go, it's alll up to u.. it's freedom & it's really relaxing & enjoyable & a lil stress of assignments jz to add some colours into things but otherwise it's supposed to be the best days of a teenage life.. but.. i can't help feeling a lil weird & off track.. it's cool & all, i've great classmates, they're funny, smart, hardworking & in 1 word, damn 'cun' & all but sth is jz missing.. i dun feel the sense of belonging, neither do i feel wanted.. although we laugh & talk & tease but i jz can't help feeling a lil lonely there.. sobz.. y is this feeling taking over?? back in church.. church used to be my haven, a place where i alwiz feel secure, a place where i could alwiz count on.. the ppl there r totally cool & nice, my childhood frenz r there, my best frenz r there & most of all, the ppl in church would nvr betray me & we watched out for each other.. it's like my second home.. however, recently, i jz can't help feeling lost in church & among my youths.. i jz dun feel like we're a big family anymore.. yes, no doubt we still laugh & play & discuss & watch out for each other as usual, but.. like i said earlier there's jz sth missing.. there's sth seriously wrong with me.. the good old days with the MYFers were so cool & we had so much good & bad times together that ic ould nvr forget all the days of my life, how God has been so good & real to us & all the troubles we've got into & how we all stuck together & finally got out of it.. we've been through so much that it's jz so weird that now, we seemed so distant.. it's jz so sad to think that i'm drifting away from them & in a year plus, i'll be leaving for California.. sobz.. that's gonna so do some damages to our relationship.. i can tell.. well, easter's coming round the corner & we've the youht alpha thingy to complete & i'm as lost as ever.. lost as in dun really noe wut is goin on & dun feel like i'm part of it although my conscience tells me i am part of it.. urghh.. it's so confusing & it's so depressing.. it's not that i'm freakingly desperate for attention cz i attention hv been given to each & everyone of us, it's jz that i dun feel that i belong anymore.. the feeling is like when ur parents tell u now that u're an adopted child.. it hurts & i feel really depressed.. i really luv my frenz.. i luv the MYFers.. i luv everyone in church but things jz seem so different now.. or rather, i am a different person all together.. & my view & perspective of a perfect life has changed over the past few months.. this is jz so weird..

New Beginning, New Life...

2006-03-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Finally the decision hv been made.. sigh.. well, at least something is done & now it's all over with.. so, i started uni life on tuesday which was yesterday, officially.. currently studying in TPM (Technology Park Malaysia).. it's so new & it's super big.. the whole campus covers the grounds of the whole park.. they're so many government & private research companies in there oso.. well, since this uni or academy is newly established & it's a semi government sorta thing, i jz hope tht it's up to par.. but honestly, it's not the academy here tht i'm interested in goin, i'm looking forward to the end of nex year where i'll be continuing my studies in California State Polytechnic University, Pomona.. i'm goin to spend 4 years there.. 2 years studying + 1 year internship + 1 year job placement.. it's so cool tht i'm given an oppurtunity to work in california.. tht totally makes up for the outrageously horrible results i got.. i jz hope i do really well in my degree so tht i'll be able to apply to a well established company there.. at least i'm doin wut i wanted to do.. sigh.. my first choice was supposed to be pharmacies.. but too bad i can't make tht a dream come true cz with my results, i couldn't even get close to realizing this dream.. so, it's biotech, my second choice.. well, even so, i barely scrape through for biotech.. applied for SIT but they offer me food tech instead cz i couldn't make the requirements for biotech.. UCSI offered biotech but it's all local, TPM offered me biotech & it sounds really appealing, KDU offered me a conditional offer to do Biomedic but if i dun do well, they reserve the rights to kick me out.. tht's way too risky.. not tht i would do badly but currently, my confidence & self-esteem is at the lowest, dun think it can go any lower..sigh.. it was a hard decision as my mum really liked SIT & food tech is an interesting course but it's placed 4th in my list.. but it's a twinning to australia, the country which i've alwiz planned to further my studies to.. it's really cool!! but all decisions r ady made.. it's california & i'll be gone for 4 years.. sobz.. it's so far from home.. so far from my family.. how am i goin to survive there on my own?? sobz..

Why oh why?!?!?

2006-03-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

Sob.. This has been really a terrible week.. sigh.. i'm gonna start complaining again.. life is jz so dreadful yet i can nvr stop thanking God for all He has done in my life.. STPM results was just released a couple of days ago.. honestly, i really got the shock of my life when i saw my results!!! i was so so freaking disappointed with chemistry & biology.. i could hv so done better.. MANGKUK la!!! i was so speechless when i saw my results.. sobz.. my results really put me no where.. i can't go on with the course i want in Malaysia, at least not fully la.. my parents would most likely hv to send me overseas after my first year here.. i dun wanna leave!!! i'm afraid once i leave i wouldn't wanna come back!! there are too many things & people in Malaysia that i miss & cherish!! wut bout church?? family?? i'll be so alone!!! i'll hv to start everything over.. wut bout the different culture?? i noe i can adapt but i wanna stay!! it's all cz i'm super stupid!! i shouldn't even get results close to the 1 i got.. could've done so much better.. why did You let this happen to me God?? is this part of Your great plan for me?? teach me to have faith in You Lord!! i'm so lost!! i noe i should be getting over my results by now but it's jz not done.. this stupid results is haunting my every single thoughts.. i noe i told myself countless times to not look back & regret on the decisions i've made.. as much i hate saying it, i hate STPM!! it so ruin my whole entire life!! (a lil dramatic but that's how i feel now) sigh.. wut can i do?? where can i go??

Re-entry Stress!!!

2006-03-05T04:25:00.000-08:00

Whoa!! This week has been a really tough week!! Who could have thought it would be so hard to settle down after 6 to 7 weeks of Jeremiah School! Honestly, i've been really having it hard.. I feel so lost whenever my family or whenever my friends talk to me.. It's like I'm lost in a world of my own.. I tried to listen & to think & to tune my frequency towards theirs but to no avail.. The more I try the more confused I become.. Sigh.. MYF, MYF.. I'm really proud of my youth group cause it's really a big encouragement to see how all of us grew together spiritually & oso physically of course.. But currently, I just find it a little weird when it comes to communicating with them.. All my mind could think about now is what I've been doing for the past 6 weeks in JS.. Whenever anyone ask about JS, I just can't help talking bout it.. It's good but the problem is I can't stop after that.. sob.. sob.. I really miss those times!! Then there's the youth alpha.. I can't help being worried bout the progress.. There r so few who turned up.. What exactly happened?? We've to really sit down & pray bout it.. If there's anything we can do, is to pray & leave the rest to God.. then there's easter coming up.. oh man!! just thinking bout the work load is freaking me out already.. a musical is really too much.. sorry guyz.. i really can't remember what i suggested but i think we should keep it simple due to the lack of time.. so sorry!! sigh.. results is coming out soon.. i've really no confidence at all.. i noe i did very badly.. but wutever izit, good or bad, i'll give thanks.. then there's the whole uni application thing.. i seriously have no idea where i'm heading.. i've this weird feeling to go into full time ministry & the feeling got stronger when i was in JS.. But i guess like what unc herbie hv been saying, we should study & at least get a degree b4 goin full time.. but still i need to noe my directions.. i'm so lost!! sigh.. i've nvr got good sense of direction.. there r so many choices & so many offers that i could think about.. this makes things even harder for me.. worries.. worries.. worries.. y can't i be the happy-go-lucky girl everyone thinks i am?? y can't i be happy all the time?? i hate it when it comes to decision making!! i hate to be left alone to think bout the worries in life! y can't i be the crazy girl i am all the time?? sigh.. how i wish JS lasted longer so i wouldn't have to come back & think bout wut i have to do.. it's just so sad that all good things always comes to an end.. i think i will go crazy even before uni starts!!

Back Home!!

2006-03-02T01:27:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm back from JS, everything seems so different.. I'm having a really hard time adapting to normal life (as in life before JS).. I miss JS so so much!! I miss the big family of 45 we use to have for the pass 7 weeks.. I miss the lessons, the people, the fellowship we had.. JS is just like a dream that has came to an end.. It's like a snap out of fantasy world where everything was perfect.. Now, it's hello to reality, welcome back worries & gudbye perfect life!! There's just so much struggle in trying to cope with the normal work & normal way & style in doing things.. Then there's the youth alpha thing.. honestly speaking, i'm really really exhausted.. i dun even noe if i've wut it takes to lead or to help out for the time being.. i really hope God will help me through this.. JS was really a life changing experience.. It gave me a lot to think about.. It has also left me with a lot of questions which i would most probably not able to answer till the day i die.. but, i've surely grown in terms of spirituality & i noe i'm spiritually more mature now than i was before.. not sure if i'm mature overall.. back in reality, things seems to be more complicated & difficult.. plus, i think i'm diagnosed with a severe case of post-JS-depression syndrome.. i guess it'll take some time for me to get over it.. in the meantime, i guess praying that i'll achieve good result in STPM is something i hv to do.. sigh..

Jeremiah School

2006-02-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days since I'm off from JS.. Can't believe that I'll be back in STM on sun.. It was great & all but I can't help complaining bout the food & the bed there.. the bed gave me backaches for the whole 3 weeks plus.. sigh.. but i really thank God for the friends & the mentors there.. wut would i do without them.. i really appreciate the company of my 2 best pals, i would be so terribly afraid to be there all alone in an all new environment.. i've gained much for the past 3 weeks in terms of knowledge & experience.. although i struggle to stay alert in some of the lectures, but by God's grace i managed to survive it.. i guess the part of JS which i cherish the most is the time of reflection & the quiet time we had.. that's when i truly experienced God & noe for sure that He's real & that He's ministering to each & everyone of us.. I had my own probs in JS.. for 3 whole weeks i struggled a lot to obtain peace of mind.. it was a terrible & a wonderful experience all together.. but i am really grateful cz i had so many frenz praying for me & Jesus guiding me through it.. He never lets me down & He never will.. i have to admit that the time i spend with God for the past 3 weeks is more than the time i spend with God yearly.. JS really helped me put my prayer & spiritual walk with God back in line.. well, i guess JS is not all that bad.. in fact i actually miss it.. wish i could write more bout it but i'm jz too lazy to type.. he.. he..

2006 is HERE!!!

2006-01-01T00:43:00.000-08:00

It's really hard to believe that 2006 is here already.. All that has happened for the last few months is just like a dream that's long gone now that we're awake in this brand new year!! 2005 was a really thrilling, exciting, not to say crazy year that I don't mind remembering (except the part where I had to sit for my STPM that is).. Last year was the year where I truly realize that I could count on my frenz to back me up when I'm in need.. I truly thank u guyz a lot (deep down from my heart).. Nway, I'll be goin for Jeremiah School on the 4th of Jan (jz to inform my frenz bout it, u guyz won't be seeing me for a while ya) till the 26th of Feb.. I'll also be visiting Korea on the 27 of Jan.. The schedule seems really tiring but I know I'll have fun.. Now I'm just worried bout JS (Jeremiah School).. I can't seem to make myself thirlled bout goin for it.. It's like I don't even realize I'm going for it.. The whole thing is kinda weird but well, I hope that I could keep up with all the lectures everyday.. I haven't been listening to any lectures since Oct, I don't even know if I could stay alert for it now.. Nway, before I end this post, I would wanna wish everyone a joyous new year.. May everything goes orderly & well..

Merry X'mas & A Very Blessed New Year!!

2005-12-25T05:32:00.000-08:00

Just feel like wishing everyone a blessed X'mas & a very blessed new year! It's been a long year.. Haven't really got any rest since STPM ended.. 1 week after the exam, I went to Malacca, then the next week I was in singapore, then there was the Youth camp we have been preparing & planning for since the beginning of the year.. whoa!! I didn't noe I could work & work non stop man!! It seriously IS tiring.. & after the camp there was caroling & christmas which was today.. sigh.. it certainly is a really fruitful year.. I can almost feel the change in myself.. physically & mentally & not forgetting spiritually.. I have to admit I've been a lil depressed this few days over some personal matters.. Well, it's not really solved yet but i'm not so depressed already, thanks to a certain friend.. Before the year ends, I just wanna take this oppurtunity to thank all my besties for adding so much colours in my life.. jz in case some of u blur ppl out there dunno urself, i'll jz name a few of ya.. there's the whole MYF in GMC i wanna thank, my bestest pal wen bin, christine, Jo, Rekha... too many to name all.. hope u guyz understand.. i really do appreciate u guyz & all the things we've been through together.. i might not be who i am today without u ppl.. & f.y.i, i'm not exaggerating.. to those of u who has been reading my blog so far, i jz wanna thank u so much & wish u guyz a very blessed christmas & a happy new year!! To all my besties, all the best in ur undertakings & may we be besties forever!! God bless!!

Freedom Tastes So Good!!

2005-11-22T16:03:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting for this moment for way way way too long. Finally, STPM has come to an end! The past months of hard work & no fun is finally over! Now, it's jz a passing nitemare which i would never wanna remember for the rest of my life! During the last few minutes of my last paper, i kept looking at the clock, hoping that time will just fly by, although i noe that i wouldn't have the time to finish my paper.. After it was all over, I was so overjoyed that I went speechless for a second or so!! I went shopping with my mum straight after that & trust me, I didn't noe that I could buy so many things in so little time!! I went 'bankrupt' in a matter of minutes.. I dun blame myself coz I've never been shopping for a very very very long time!! Then, I watched so many movies in just half a day!! Wow!! I didn't noe fun could be so tiring but it was definitely worth it! All that's left to do now is to get a good rest & spend my time goin crazy in parties & camp.. There's also another option, which is to get a job.. Gross, the thought of work makes me quiver.. Well, I jz hope that time passes slowly when i'm having fun!

GMC's 50th Anniversary!

2005-09-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

Oh man!! We do look ridiculous!!

This was rite b4 the dinner started!! We're suppose to be entertainers, i think..

My all time besties
Wow!! Can't believe it's already 4 days after Merdeka & the church's 50th anniversary.. The function was a total success!! Praise the Lord!! & to think that we only had 3 really decent practices.. I really had fun that day although i'm really actually drained physically & mentally.. But who cares!! I got to spend the day with my bestest frenz & most of all I get to spend 1 whole day with my Lord!! To think that my church is already 50 years old.. Oh man!! I'm really growing old!! Oh well, this was what happened to us on that day! Speaking of which, i'd better get back to my studies!! 2 more months!! arghh!!

Chocolatezzzz!!!!

2005-08-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Charlie & the chocolate factory was awesome!!!! Simply great!! Although Johnny Depp is a little freaky in there.. uhhh.. he looks like the ghost from christmas past.. & to think i thought that he's cool & all in Pirates of Caribbean.. oohh.. it's a good think i decided then that Orlando Bloom is the best among them.. he.. he.. but all in all, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory is a MUST watch movie!!! How I wish that factory really exist in reality not a fairy tale.. Freddie was so cute in there.. I dun mind living in a fairy tale if this is the story line.. hmmm.. I wonder if there's such thing as the land of fairy tales??? he.. he.. there goes my day-dreaming sickness again..

When tears fills ur eyes..

2005-08-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very very strange today. Actually, I think i'm feeling sad, unhappy, like something is missing.. Sigh.. They're so many people leaving Malaysia nowadays to pursue their studies.. My sorta close friend jz left M'sia today.. I'm really really gonna miss this fren a lot cz he's one of the few people who's willing to lend a ear to listen to me.. Like that's not bad enough.. Next month, my couz is leaving for UK.. I'm gonna feel so so lonely.. When is it my turn to leave the country?? I envy them cz US & UK are places that I'll nvr ever get to go to.. For a visit, maybe yes.. to pursue my studies there, is a definite NO!!! I wonder if i'll burst out in tears seeing my couz leave.. She'll not be back till year 2009 or 2010.. That's a very very long time.. we've nvr been separated for more than a 2 weeks b4.. Wut should i do?? I'm already missing her terribly now.. To think bout those happy moments we spent together when we're young.. Am I being childish?? I jz seem to be having 'letting-go' issues here.. There's nothing I could do, is there???

A Wasted Day

2005-08-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

I spoiled the day;
Hotly, in haste,
All the calm hours
I gashed and defaced.

Till a new day
Heaven shall send,
Whole as an apple,
Kind as a friend.

-Frances Cornford-

Another wasted day on day-dreaming.. I've seriously no idea what's wrong with me.. I just love to daydream. Is that really a bad thing? Sigh.. I wonder if there's a cure for this??

My dreams!!!

2005-07-31T03:36:00.000-07:00

I suppose everyone have a dream.. i've always dreamt of becoming a doctor until i realize that i couldn't stand blood.. gosh, if i hadn't came back for form 6, i would be in imu now.. doin medic.. oh, the horror (yea, i noe it's a little too dramatic).. well, at least that's 1 'sunny-side-up' for comin back for form 6.. at least i noe now for sure that medic isn't my thing.. anyway, with my 'to-die-for' results right now, i dun think i'll qualify in any uni for medic.. my short term dream now is to get over with STPM ASAP!!! STPM is really haunting me every sec of the day!! why oh why do i have to be torchered like this.. & i thought SPM was tough.. oh boy was i wrong bout that.. after my basic degree, i'll wanna go for mission work.. i wanna be a missionary!! it sounds scary but i'm waiting for the calling.. wut's more meaningful than to spent my lifetime devoting each & every sec of my life doin God's work (easier said than done, i noe).. Or perhaps I could board the Doulos ship & sign a contract of maybe 22 years or so?? he.. he.. well, that's a thought (perfect for those who wants to remain single & do God's work).. hey, i'm day-dreaming again.. better get back to my books.. STPM's jz round the corner!! i'm so so dead!!

Fairy's Song

2005-07-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

Where the bees sucks, there suck I;
In a cowslip's bell I lie;
There I couch when owls do cry;
On the bat's back I do fly;
After summer merrily;
Merrily, merrily, shall I live now
Under the blossom that hangs on the bough.

-William Shakespeare, from The Tempest-

How I wish I could enjoy nature everyday without having to worry bout the realities in life.. Don't you?? The sun, the breeze, the birds singing ever so sweetly in the clear blue sky, the sweet smell of flowers that had bloomed jz the nite before.. Well, that's a thought..

Going Crazy!!

2005-07-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

I've always loved the life of a student despite all the complains & the whining. However, when it comes to being a form 6 student, i can't help looking at life at a different point of view. Form 6 is really tough & there are moments when i kinda regret leaving SAM for form6. On the other hand, if i hadn't came back for form 6, i wouldn't have learned that much & i would be on the wrong course right now. There are times I wanted to give up & jz let go once & for all.. All this hard work nearly drive me nuts. STPM is jz round the corner & i'm not even 20% ready for it yet.. Although my life is in a mess right now, I really wanna thank God for being by my side all the time.. Without Him, my life would be totally ruin..