hectic, hectic & nth but more hectic~

yay!! there's officially 1 month more be4 i reach home!!! the wait is killing me but i noe it'll be worth every second of the wait.. got an internship at some bionexus status company in KL.. it's kinda sad that i'll hv to work during the 3 months 'supposed' holiday back home.. but i guess.. as long as i'm home, nth seems to matter anymore.. home is the one & only place where i feel comfortable and safe.. my hiding place, my shelter..

but in this 1 month be4 home..

i've tons of assignment to complete be4 the due dates.. mostly next week.. i'm so dead!! jz completed 1 which was due today and that has cost another sleepless night.. consequences?! slept during biochemistry lecture & the lecturer caught me 'fishing'.. sighz.. can't seem to stop embarassing myself even in the states.. =( with so many midterms, assignments, quizzes, discussions due round the corner.. i can't help but feel the stress & pressure.. think my brain is really quite mashed already..

on the other hand..

besides being stressed over academic stuffs.. i guess there's the other thing i've been stressing over for the past month too.. but i guess that's something which i could not control.. only fate will decide the outcome.. so.. i guess doing whatever i feel like doing is good provided i don't go overboard and provided i could get a grip of myself!! NOT gonna let go.. wanna hold on till the day i would eventually let go with no aches in the heart.. still hoping there's a chance there but.. well..

*yuen mei is very tired & exhausted due to stress*

HAPPIE MUMMIE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!

I MISS U & LOVE U, MUM!!!!

for everything u've done,
i'm truly grateful..

i really really thank God for giving me such a lovely, caring, the most wonderful mummie in the whole wide world.. =)

~wish i could be back home to celebrate it with u mum~

life is full of games and tricks..

Everytime I'm half-way reaching my point of destination, something happens and it holds me back!


I'm DONE trying..

for now.. I shall do things according to my emotions for a change.. first thing that comes to mind.. dangerous but.. who knows.. might work??

*emotionally exhausted*

~cry of the heart~

the heart is one of the most dangerous organ in the body.. can't live without it but at the same time it could cause so much confusions and illusions.. no idea if what i'm going thru now or what i'm feeling now is sincere but.. i guess there are certain things that i really do not wanna let go.. but circumstances does not allow me to hold on any longer.. no matter how much i wished it had all gone well, i guess sometimes it's just life.. not everyone gets what they desire.. the lights have been turned on and the fog and mist are melted and carried away by the sun's heat ray and the wind.. what seemed like a total blur the past few weeks is suddenly crystal clear.. the statements some people made the previous nite has clear and obvious intentions.. intentions that gave me reasons to stop hallucinating.. reasons to stop being so naive.. reasons to feel all the more hurt.. reasons to feel the long prickly needle piercing thru the tender lining of the heart.. reasons to cry my heart out.. reasons to blame myself for being such an idiot.. reasons to stop believing that probably there's still something there.. i know that no matter how much i wish that the memories i had the past 2 months are the memories that i would be continuing in the future, it wouldn't come to past.. all that's left are just memories to be kept.. wouldn't try holding on but it wouldn't be easy to let go.. some part of me still really really wish that someday history will repeat itself but this time with a more pleasant ending.. probably that's just the emotional, naive side of me.. the naive side that has always wished to be living in a conducive, fairytale-like virtual world.. I really really want this to end soon!! I'm really tired of faking my daily life!!! It's not easy to laugh when you feel like crying.. or smile when you feel like breaking down.. or to pretend to feel nothing about it when in actual fact the heart is bruised to the extend that it would start bleeding anytime.. and it definitely is not easy to hold your tears from rolling down your cheeks in front of people.. it is very ironic how I always end up facing my fears and my weaknesses.. is this really how people grow?! thru all these pain and hurts?!

conciousness taking over but it's just not enough

*wishing to be not so naive*