BLESSED EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

N

A VERY HAPPY CHOPSTICKS DAY!!!!!!!!

God sent His Son, Jesus, to die for each n everyone of us.. to bear the burden of our sins.. to suffer the judgment of man n for the crime He had nvr committed.. to be stripped of all His humility and His dignity.. He has gone thru all these for all of us.. n i can nvr be more grateful..

We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you.

Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.

'bowl' posers!!!!!!

we're such siao kias.. haha.. spent the whole day in church setting up the stations of the cross for the holy week.. we were working under the hot sun for almost 10 hours.. can't blame us for being a lil crazy.. hehe.. rekha has been my bestest pal for a very very long long time.. sum1 u can really laugh with or scream with or if u need a lil sarcasm to get u kicking for the day, she's the one.. altho we're super tired n exhausted.. we still managed to snap a few shots n sang a few songs.. till it drizzled.. some voices we have huh.. haha..

some great posers we are huh..

the bowl looks really shiny n all.. can't believe 1 stupid bowl like tht's so freaking expensive.. who noes.. selling bowls might actually strike u rich.. haha..

tht's our station behind.. we din really pitch it tho.. but.. we decorated it.. i'm so proud..

the uncles n aunties helping out were seriously worried bout us i think.. probably they thought we kena heat stroke or sth.. =p

check out our blood stained hands.. hehe..

no idea y i'm blogging this.. probably cz i'm really bored.. n i've nth better to do.. sighz.. can't wait for my holidays in may!!!!!!!!!!!!

havoc in the lab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever wondered how our lab sessions are????????? haha.. imagine a bunch of monkeys being let loose in the lab.. yup.. a typical day at the lab.. is like.. a whole day of being boringly fun.. laughters.. art sessions.. posing lessons.. cam whorring monkeys in action.. n not to say a day facing a whole lot of disgusting samples..

the beginning of a not so normal day at the lab..

it always starts when people try to be hardworking and to do early preparations before the lab begins.. check out peng chuan.. like damn hardworking.. NOT!!!!!! haha..

yea.. lab reports could be freaking frustrating.. i totally hate lab reports.. but i hv to say.. peng chuan's pose really does look like a monkey's.. wakaka..

tht's an assured sign of madness.. aww.. kesian.. lab reports can definitely drive u nuts..

later on at the microbiology lab..

this is what we do when experiments drive us up the wall.. or when experiments fail.. or when the lab demonstrator is out and we had to wait..

but.. microbiology experiments are really fun!!! we get to culture our own bacterias.. cool huh!! n it's very interesting n exciting too.. especially when u get to see the bacteria colonies grow into different shapes n sizes.. the not-so-nice side of it is.. the bacterias cultured really stinks.. eeewwww.. worst than rotten egg.. no wonder i feel sick nowadays.. =p

our precious work.. no thanks to john n i.. to barbaric dy.. break the agar.. sobz.. berlubang dy.. thank God our precious bacterial colonies weren't really contaminated..

our colony of sthaphylococcus aureus i think.. bout to determine wut it is.. which explains y it's still in good condition.. because i haven't touched it yet!!!!!!!!! wakaka..

next stop for the day.. organic chemistry lab session..

instead of paying full attention in our work.. we did this!!! isn't the elephant cute?? credit goes to yan ru..

do u hv any idea wut this cute lil elephant is made off?? it's made out of the rubber gloves we wear in the lab!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk bout being bored..

honestly.. it wasn't like we were lazy n refused carry out our experiment.. dah la there's only a few Buchner apparatus n a few suction filters.. sum ppl jz dun understand the meaning of the word 'considerate'.. sighz..

moving on to the molecular biology lab..

tht is a sample of uterus cell.. freaking disgusting.. n we jz had lunch.. sickening.. eeewww.. then there was the breast sample as well.. this is where we did our DNA n RNA purification n isolation.. interesting but.. thank God i had gloves.. wouldn't touch tht thing with my bare hands even if i was given a thousand dollars.. yuckks..

then things begin to heat up while we were waiting for the samples to be ultracentrifuged.. the survival of the fittest.. najmee vs poh li.. *ding ding*

n the tournament began..

go poh li!!! go poh li!!!! she might be small but.. she's really strong.. galz rule!!!!!

told u poh li's strong.. look at how najmee struggles.. kepala pun dah turun ke bawah.. =p

ending the day with us cam-whorring dudes.. keke..

goin cuckoo after a day of work.. *slaps*

keep up the nice pose gal.. =)

successfully centrifuged sample.. definitely calls for a celebration.. *woot*

n the day repeats itself every thursday when we hv a whole day of lab.. with more crazy ideas.. more laughter.. n definitely more cam whorring.. haha..

gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought my blog was a goner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can't believe i actually forgot my password.. talk bout being forgetful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wut a loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back on track..

After a long break.. i'm finally back on track!!!!!!!! haha.. was too lazy to blog.. many things hv came to past now that 2006 is gone.. n many incidence have taken place this new year.. i've learned that there's no point in making new year resolutions.. i asked for good health for my family n of course myself as well.. but.. i was diagnosed with chicken pox on the 3rd of january.. bad luck huh.. it was dreadful.. i nvr thought chicken pox could be so bad.. i really had it bad man.. it was like a real life nightmare.. one that took me 3 weeks to wake from.. thank God it's over.. unfortunately, i'm scarred for life by those awful spots.. sobz.. damn sad rite.. hurts my eyes jz looking at them.. thank God there aren't any on my face.. those spots aren't gonna go off i guess.. i'd better live with it then.. other than the terrible bad luck that befall me.. i guess i had a great time reuniting with my frenz.. some i've been seeing off n on.. some whom i haven't seen in ages.. some of them i've not met ever since primary 6!!!!!! gosh!!!!!!!!! i noe wut r some of u thinking.. do i recognize them rite?? honestly.. no.. haha.. but.. it does ring a bell sumhow.. i'll blog more later.. guess my blogging mood is back.. =p

Youth Quake 2006!!

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Cameron Highlands!!

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update!! updates!!!

hehe.. sorry for abandoning this blog.. if keat yee hadn't pestered me to update, i guess i would be the usual lazy me.. malas la wanna update.. there are so many things going on & gosh!!! it's damn hard to keep up!!! sad case huh.. errr.. let's see.. last semester ended & the new semester has started.. sighz.. last semester was a mess!! thought i could do better but well.. i guess the lecturers had the better of us.. especially a certain critical thinking lecturer!!! sobz.. she gave us all not only bad grades but a really traumatising nightmare that none of us would forget.. sad huh.. i've obtained a very very low grade of C+.. & guess wut??? that's like the highest score in the whole class of 30 over people.. surprising huh!!! i almost fainted when i got the news.. LITERALLY!!! thank God my frenz snapped me back into reality.. sobz.. i'm NOT a critical thinkier after all.. no wonder some even doubt if i had a brain.. now even i doubt my own brains.. nway.. this updating thingy hv to wait.. got someone else waiting for me to get sth else done..

~to be continued~

...Lost Without You... v2.0

y do things have to change?? how come they can't remain the way they are forever?? things doesn't seem to be at its sunny-side-up anymore.. things started getting bad since 2005.. well, there was a lot of work n studies was a major headache, not to say a pain in the butt!!! but, it was still manageable.. thank God, with His grace and mercy, i got through STPM alive.. results wasn't as gud as i dreamt, but good enuff.. that's all that matters, as long as He is with me, everything else doesn't matter.. as long as i have Him by my side, i noe that i would be ok n things would turn up eventually.. i just noe that He would not abandon me.. until recently.. not long after Jeremiah School.. things seem to be going great!! well, it's wut i think (very subjective, i noe).. then everything stopped.. it was like i'm caught in a time tunnel.. everything just stopped happening.. my urge to doing things wasn't there.. He wasn't there anymore!!!!!!!! y isn't He speaking to me?? hv i sin against Him? wut have i done?? i'm lost.. everything seems blank without Jesus.. i feel like an empty vessel.. left with just the shell, nth else.. pure silence and emptiness.. i felt hurt n miserable.. yet.. part of me was just lagging.. not taking any interest in anything.. faking almost all my thoughts and expression.. i guess i felt God was abandoning me.. without realizing that it was vice-versa.. i'm useless.. i noe.. helpless and useless.. it does makes me think if i'm worthy of all that He has done for me.. i wish i would be able to solve this problem soon.. life without Him sucks!!!!!!! my life is so incomplete.. i dun wanna feel pain beyond comparison and ultimate darkness..
just thought i would like to share my thoughts and wut i'm going thru.. i pray hard that no one would be goin thru it.. life without Jesus is worst than being locked up in an isolation cell with nth but darkness and limited space.. it's worst than being lost in the Bermuda Triangle.. knowing about Jesus is one thing.. Knowing Him, loving Him and communicating with Him is another thing..

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

...Lost Without You...

Probably every christians would say that spiritual life is just like a roller-coaster ride.. there are alwiz ups n downs n some valley r definitely steeper n deeper than others; some peaks are like everest whereas some r like gunung kinabalu.. although i've been a christian all my life, i've nvr seemed to hv experienced the whole roller-coaster ride.. until now.. when i first experienced God's touch, it was like WOW!!!!!!!! mere words could never explain how i felt at that time.. those were the most precious moments of my life.. to be touched by God and to hear His voice was the greatest gift i could ever dream of receiving.. my entire life would be of no regrets if everyday i'm able to walk in His footsteps, beside Him.. the feeling is of no other.. and i would never trade it for any other things on earth.. those were my ups.. however, i guess all gud things will never last.. the feel-good times only lasted for bout a year.. then it was back to square one.. things were back to normal.. the relaxing state i guess.. then it went back up.. the peak wasn't as high as the first tho.. but nonetheless, i was still drenched and soaked in the spirit.. it was cool and i was really glad to be alwiz in God's presence.. to feel loved, wanted, to feel significant, and to feel as part of the team.. most importantly, to feel that i belonged to somebody.. i noe my family loves me and i've frenz, but the feeling is jz different.. things were great n it is as though nothing seems to bother me and everything went extremely well.. i guess all's well that ends well.. not just yet tho..

~to be continued~

..Lord..You've gotta hear me out..

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In timeYou'll find the way

..when depression takes over..nothing seems right..

i've been experiencing all sorts of emotions, conditions, and various state of mind these few months.. never in my entire life have i thought tht life is so tough and full of illusions.. most of my frenz used to say i'm delusional,cz i would be day dreaming and my thoughts would be drawn to 'happily-ever-after' all the time.. i used to think that there would always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and tht tom would alwiz turn out better.. well, tht was a very long time ago ever since i've had those childish optimist thoughts.. i guess u could say tht humans change after the toughness they've gone through.. life hasn't been pretty, as a matter of fact, i dun think life has been treating me well these couple of months.. i have been sick of my boring, dull old life for a long time.. things has been getting from bad to worst n i often feel tht my life is nothing but boring n gloomy.. nothing seems to interest me anymore.. not even planning for camps or going for a vacation excites me.. youth quake is coming up and tht is sth to look forward to but it doesn't sound as exciting tht i thought it could be (not tht i'm saying it's not exciting, it is, it's jz tht it doesn't seem to excite me as much anymore).. i miss my school days.. i miss my frenz.. i do have frenz, very nice frenz i would say, in col now.. but it's jz so different.. there's jz sth not really right when i am where i am now.. they r cool and nice and all but i jz find it difficult to click in.. the topic of discussions, the environment, my emotions around them, my thoughts r jz so different.. i am SO NOT me when i'm in col!!! i feel like i'm a big-time faker!! it's not like i wanna be one but i jz couldn't bring myself to act like who i am.. situations do not allow it, and i hate to be alert all the time.. sometimes i feel tht i'm not the only big-time faker there.. having to think maturely, having to be at my best at all times, having to be alert of wut ppl say n do is killing me!! sometimes i guess wut ppl say bout me is very true.. not only i dun look like a 20-year-old girl, i dun even act like one too!! it's like my age is way ahead of my time (no idea wut i'm talking about).. right now, situations r pushing me to grow up, to step out of my comfort zone, my condusive environment.. no more childishness, no more fooling around, no more immature thoughts, no more relying on others to cover up the mess i've made.. after all the mistakes i've made in my lifetime, i've realized tht i've nvr really learned from my mistakes.. ppl come n go, walked in n out of my life, trying to leave preciuos advice with me, but me, being such a numb-skull, would nvr key it in into the empty brain of mine.. i've came across comments like "yuen mei, y r u so smart? u can even do well, even when u've not studied hard".. all my life, i've been very blessed with good results, besides my STPM results, i've been able to achieve strings of A's, and honestly, i've no idea how.. but wut's the use of good academic results but poor understanding in life? it seems like i'm facing life all alone.. feeling so helpless n hopeless at times.. where were YOU when i called? did YOU hear me?

Dedicated To Grandfather...

Before the world began, You were on His mind

And every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes

Because of His great love, He gave His only son

And everything was done so you would come

Nothing you can do, could make Him love you more

Nothing that you've done, could make Him close the door

Because of His great love, He gave His only Son

Everything was done so you would come

Come to the Father, though your gift is small

Broken hearts broken lives He would take them all

The power of the Word, the power of His blood

Everything was done so you would come

Grandfather.. God has kept His promise that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal live.. I'm sure you're having a gud time up in heaven and we on earth shall rejoice and be happy.. I'm sure you are well protected by God and that you're no longer paralyse.. And i noe tht u're watching us from heaven.. thank you for your care for me.. i really cherish it.. i shall await the day when we finally meet in heaven and we shall rejoice together in the choir of the angels!!!

My Dearest Grandpa...

I have been really blessed by God for giving me such a great grandpa.. although we're not blood related (cz he's actually my cousins grandfather), he treats me like his very own grandchild.. i remember the times when i was in primary school and i had no choice but to stay at my cousins house after schooling hours until my parents pick me up after work.. my cousins house was like my second home then cz i spent more time there than my real home.. my cousins grandparents treat me really well and they tries to offer me the best and takes really gud care of me.. her grandpa on the other hand, luvs to chat and never fails to tell me all his wonderful stories and experience when he was young.. he was a really friendly man and i cherish the times when he calls me from inside the kitchen "AH MEI!!! HAVE U EATEN!!!".. now tht he's called back to heaven, there's no one to call me from inside the kitchen anymore.. another person less who would tell exciting stories to me and one person less to care for me.. honestly, although he's not my 'real' gramps, I REALLY MISS HIM!!!!
I pray that Lord, You would take care of him and that i would be able to see him again one day in heaven!!!!! God, i pray tht You would comfort his family members as well.. I can't thank you enough for giving me the privilege to be a 'grandchild' to him.. Amen!

If only..

If only i had realize how much time i had wasted these 20 years of my life sooner.. if only i had practice for tht darn piano exam on mon more consistently.. if only i had started on my lame assignments earlier.. if only i had study for the stupid quiz.. if only i hadn't lose focus during classes.. if only the certain 'someone' i like like me as well.. if only i had no feelings.. if only i wasn't sent down to earth n i was still in heaven.. if only i know wut i'm doin.. if only i noe wut's God's plans in my life.. if only there aren't so many regrets in my life...
piano exam's on monday & i'm totally unprepared.. yea.. and i'm blogging and goin online and watching tv and rushing assignments.. urgh.. and doin a lot of other stuffs i shouldn't be doin at a time like this.. i jz hope i dun fail tht's all.. gosh.. the toughest grade and i'm playing a fool.. sobz.. i jz so hope tht this wouldn't be another addition to my collection of regrets.. God, help!!!!!!!! desperate times calls for desperate measures.. prayer needed guyz.. stress overload.. anxiety building up.. sigh.. at this rate i think i'm gonna die in california..

Time Out!!!

This past few weeks have really been digging the life out of me.. i've no idea why i feel so tensed up & stressed up.. assignments were as usual, not really piling up, well, if it is it's cz i've been procrastinating again but tht's not the reason.. exams r over tho the few days b4 exams were pretty bad but i survived.. lecture time is quite dispersed so it's not really a problem but why am i feeling the stress?? it's stress overload man!!! the fact tht wut stresses me has nothing to do with studies really bothers me a lot.. sobz.. i really do hope i dun start losing hair again.. the symptoms of overstressed r revealing already.. restless nights, crazy diet, short term memory (as in really short), day-dreaming most of the time.. gosh.. i hope it would be over with soon.. i so screwed up my business ethics, psychology and critical thinking tests.. sobz.. and i can't even concentrate on my assignments.. i'm so dead!! sobz.. something mz be wrong with my brain.. took me 1 whole hour jz to get this post typed out.. tht proves how bad my condition is.. guess i really had it.. i need my 1 week break b4 i really go cuckoo!!! i guess all these stress are mainly bulit up cz of my own thoughts.. hv been worrying so much bout my grandma's hand & my mum's leg.. my mum hv been complaining of leg pain since last year but no doctor has came up with any remedies for it.. they dun even noe wut's wrong with her.. i'm a lil worried.. & then, she's telling me bout her not being able to be with me all the time really gets me all tensed.. sobz.. i really dun feel like goin off to california at all now.. not when both of them r like tht.. hope tht i'm jz worrying for nth.. couldn't bear the thought of them not being there for me.. probably it's jz my crazy thoughts & probably i'm jz stressing myself up for nth but.. i can't help it.. i noe it's crazy but i've alwiz wished tht there's only life and no death.. there are only beginnings and no ends, meetings and no farewells, hellos and no goodbyes.. God.. i'm really freaking sad.. i need a break! makes me feel damn useless.. dunno when i'll start breaking down, probably very soon..

~yuen mei~

When the sun never rise & when skies are always grey..

I have to say this year's church camp in Malacca Watercity was great and i have really experience much more than just an encounter with God. Pastor Cornelio, Pastor Deborah, Pastor Graham, Rev Kim and all the other camp committee did a really great job.. I was truly awed by the praise and worship we offered to God.. and I've witness deliverance with my very own eyes.. this year's church camp hit a target of 170 people and that's more than double of our annual church camp attendance and i truly believe tht God will bless us richly..
Although the church camp was great and everything was so uhmm.. spiritual, i can't help feeling bothered, sad ,and miserable.. the camp was great until my grandmother slipped and fell and fractured her arm bone.. i was really shocked, more to terrified when i heard that my grandma fell.. there's this aching and piercing pain in my heart.. i was really sad when i see her go thorugh all the pain.. i really wanted to share half of her pain with her if not all.. i wanted to cry but there was no tears.. wanted to scream but no voice came out.. wanted to be happy but was feeling hollow inside.. i've no idea wut to do.. i guess i luv my grandma more than i realize..
After tht incident, nightmares followed every single night.. nightmares if attending my grandma's funeral.. and nightmares of not being to see my grandma for the last time before she goes back to the Lord..
I DUN WANNA GO TO CALIFORNIA!!! i'm afraid tht i might not see her again when i come back.. i'm afraid of losing something or someone tht i care so much for.. i dun wanna miss the chance of having the last few moments with her.. although i noe she's in perfect shape now but still there's the worries and there's the 'missing-her' part.. sobz.. my grandma was the one who brought me up and the one who cared for me when my parents went to work.. i have spent all the years of my life with her and she plays a vital role in my life.. there wouldn't be any yuen mei if it wasn't for her..
God.. please dun take her away from me so soon!! sometimes i do wish tht i would be the first to die in the family so i wouldn't have to go through all the pain when someone dies.. kinda selfish huh.. but i really can't bear the thought of them 'going' first.. is there any other way tht i could see her face-to-face all the time in california?? i'm gonna really miss my family.. though it's another year to go before i leave but a year passes by in jz a twinkling of an eye.. i'll be gone by the time u noe it.. i dun wanna leave so soon!!!

Trip to Korea!!!!!!

Overwhelming frusration & fatigue & disappointment!!!

So, it was 2 days in TPM for nothing!!! as if that's not enuff.. i jz received message that we might or might not have class tom.. so wut r we supposed to do?? hang around there again & wait?? i've piano class tom & i've ady cancelled so many classes jz to accommodate for this change of schedule.. i'm really freaking pissed right now.. not to say freaking disappointed!!! how can they do this to us??? my piano teacher is so gonna kill me for this.. & i'm so tempted to initiate butt kicking session!!! ish.. i'm so darn frustrated now!! i dunno wut to do!!! should i cancel my piano class or should i keep it & not go for the class?? wut if i cancel piano lesson & go back to col but they said it only commences on mon?? urgh!! i'm so tired of thinking!!! my brain hurts.. wished that they're more organized.. i like my course & i like it there.. won't wanna end up switching col jz cz of this.. but i can't be changing my piano teacher's schedule all the time!! tht would be so unfair for her!!! i for once is very against ppl foiling up my plans.. & i definitely won't wanna do that to others.. oh God!! such a simple matter yet with huge dillemma!!! sobz..

However, i guess God has been fair.. i had a great time with the JSers again!! although i had to watch Poseidon again but i have to admit i had a great time!! not with the movie but with my frenz.. celebrated Ian's birthday & went on with our normal lepaking & our normal laughter that fills the air of the whole midvalley.. how can we not when we have Erreekka & Lawrence around?? hehe.. i really thank God for these people God has brought into my life.. being able to spend time with them is truly my pleasure.. it's alwiz a pleasure & it's alwiz nice to see u JSers again!! oohh.. before signing out..

HAPPIE BURFDAY IAN!!!!

NO!!!! Extended Hol!!

My 1 week of hols is finally over.. so, i went back to col on monday.. which was yesterday.. only to find out tht our timetable for this semester is not out yet.. & our classes only commence next mon.. so, technically i've 1 more week extended holiday.. wut the.. sigh.. i'm gonna have to rot at home with my exam pieces for 1 whole week.. they should hv at least informed us at least before the hols & not make us go to col for nothing.. & they made us go back to col today to confirm our exemptions & the subjects we're taking.. spend another day in col for nothing.. sigh.. but anyhow, finally, they confirmed my exemptions but will only be goin off to california in august next year.. however, i've to score at least a B for every subject!! sobz.. how am i gonna do tht?? i can't even guarantee or convince myself to score a C.. i hope God grants me miracles & blessings.. sighz.. then there r all the weird electives.. wut has performing arts, anthropology & psychology has to do with biotechnology? i mean i understand y business ethics is in but performing arts?? wut the heck?? & the worst part is i've to work equally hard for these subjects so tht i could score a minimum B.. this is SO frustrating!!! i seriously hope i could finish by July next year.. there's 10 more subjects to cover.. well, at least i've frenz to teman me through.. it's better than goin through it alone.. God!!! grant me the strength & the confidence man.. at the edge of freaking out here.. anthropology sounds freaky & i dun even noe wut the heck is it.. sobz.. however, i'm looking forward to organic chemistry though.. it has been my fave subject since.. since.. form 4 i think.. sigh.. memory deteriorating.. eyesight depreciating.. intelligence goin down the drain.. sigh.. to sum it all up.. yuen mei is getting dumber by the second.. he.. he.. & crazier.. & weirder..

~freaky yuen mei~