..Lord..You've gotta hear me out..

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In timeYou'll find the way

..when depression takes over..nothing seems right..

i've been experiencing all sorts of emotions, conditions, and various state of mind these few months.. never in my entire life have i thought tht life is so tough and full of illusions.. most of my frenz used to say i'm delusional,cz i would be day dreaming and my thoughts would be drawn to 'happily-ever-after' all the time.. i used to think that there would always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and tht tom would alwiz turn out better.. well, tht was a very long time ago ever since i've had those childish optimist thoughts.. i guess u could say tht humans change after the toughness they've gone through.. life hasn't been pretty, as a matter of fact, i dun think life has been treating me well these couple of months.. i have been sick of my boring, dull old life for a long time.. things has been getting from bad to worst n i often feel tht my life is nothing but boring n gloomy.. nothing seems to interest me anymore.. not even planning for camps or going for a vacation excites me.. youth quake is coming up and tht is sth to look forward to but it doesn't sound as exciting tht i thought it could be (not tht i'm saying it's not exciting, it is, it's jz tht it doesn't seem to excite me as much anymore).. i miss my school days.. i miss my frenz.. i do have frenz, very nice frenz i would say, in col now.. but it's jz so different.. there's jz sth not really right when i am where i am now.. they r cool and nice and all but i jz find it difficult to click in.. the topic of discussions, the environment, my emotions around them, my thoughts r jz so different.. i am SO NOT me when i'm in col!!! i feel like i'm a big-time faker!! it's not like i wanna be one but i jz couldn't bring myself to act like who i am.. situations do not allow it, and i hate to be alert all the time.. sometimes i feel tht i'm not the only big-time faker there.. having to think maturely, having to be at my best at all times, having to be alert of wut ppl say n do is killing me!! sometimes i guess wut ppl say bout me is very true.. not only i dun look like a 20-year-old girl, i dun even act like one too!! it's like my age is way ahead of my time (no idea wut i'm talking about).. right now, situations r pushing me to grow up, to step out of my comfort zone, my condusive environment.. no more childishness, no more fooling around, no more immature thoughts, no more relying on others to cover up the mess i've made.. after all the mistakes i've made in my lifetime, i've realized tht i've nvr really learned from my mistakes.. ppl come n go, walked in n out of my life, trying to leave preciuos advice with me, but me, being such a numb-skull, would nvr key it in into the empty brain of mine.. i've came across comments like "yuen mei, y r u so smart? u can even do well, even when u've not studied hard".. all my life, i've been very blessed with good results, besides my STPM results, i've been able to achieve strings of A's, and honestly, i've no idea how.. but wut's the use of good academic results but poor understanding in life? it seems like i'm facing life all alone.. feeling so helpless n hopeless at times.. where were YOU when i called? did YOU hear me?

Dedicated To Grandfather...

Before the world began, You were on His mind

And every tear you cry, is precious in His eyes

Because of His great love, He gave His only son

And everything was done so you would come

Nothing you can do, could make Him love you more

Nothing that you've done, could make Him close the door

Because of His great love, He gave His only Son

Everything was done so you would come

Come to the Father, though your gift is small

Broken hearts broken lives He would take them all

The power of the Word, the power of His blood

Everything was done so you would come

Grandfather.. God has kept His promise that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal live.. I'm sure you're having a gud time up in heaven and we on earth shall rejoice and be happy.. I'm sure you are well protected by God and that you're no longer paralyse.. And i noe tht u're watching us from heaven.. thank you for your care for me.. i really cherish it.. i shall await the day when we finally meet in heaven and we shall rejoice together in the choir of the angels!!!

My Dearest Grandpa...

I have been really blessed by God for giving me such a great grandpa.. although we're not blood related (cz he's actually my cousins grandfather), he treats me like his very own grandchild.. i remember the times when i was in primary school and i had no choice but to stay at my cousins house after schooling hours until my parents pick me up after work.. my cousins house was like my second home then cz i spent more time there than my real home.. my cousins grandparents treat me really well and they tries to offer me the best and takes really gud care of me.. her grandpa on the other hand, luvs to chat and never fails to tell me all his wonderful stories and experience when he was young.. he was a really friendly man and i cherish the times when he calls me from inside the kitchen "AH MEI!!! HAVE U EATEN!!!".. now tht he's called back to heaven, there's no one to call me from inside the kitchen anymore.. another person less who would tell exciting stories to me and one person less to care for me.. honestly, although he's not my 'real' gramps, I REALLY MISS HIM!!!!
I pray that Lord, You would take care of him and that i would be able to see him again one day in heaven!!!!! God, i pray tht You would comfort his family members as well.. I can't thank you enough for giving me the privilege to be a 'grandchild' to him.. Amen!