...Lost Without You... v2.0

y do things have to change?? how come they can't remain the way they are forever?? things doesn't seem to be at its sunny-side-up anymore.. things started getting bad since 2005.. well, there was a lot of work n studies was a major headache, not to say a pain in the butt!!! but, it was still manageable.. thank God, with His grace and mercy, i got through STPM alive.. results wasn't as gud as i dreamt, but good enuff.. that's all that matters, as long as He is with me, everything else doesn't matter.. as long as i have Him by my side, i noe that i would be ok n things would turn up eventually.. i just noe that He would not abandon me.. until recently.. not long after Jeremiah School.. things seem to be going great!! well, it's wut i think (very subjective, i noe).. then everything stopped.. it was like i'm caught in a time tunnel.. everything just stopped happening.. my urge to doing things wasn't there.. He wasn't there anymore!!!!!!!! y isn't He speaking to me?? hv i sin against Him? wut have i done?? i'm lost.. everything seems blank without Jesus.. i feel like an empty vessel.. left with just the shell, nth else.. pure silence and emptiness.. i felt hurt n miserable.. yet.. part of me was just lagging.. not taking any interest in anything.. faking almost all my thoughts and expression.. i guess i felt God was abandoning me.. without realizing that it was vice-versa.. i'm useless.. i noe.. helpless and useless.. it does makes me think if i'm worthy of all that He has done for me.. i wish i would be able to solve this problem soon.. life without Him sucks!!!!!!! my life is so incomplete.. i dun wanna feel pain beyond comparison and ultimate darkness..
just thought i would like to share my thoughts and wut i'm going thru.. i pray hard that no one would be goin thru it.. life without Jesus is worst than being locked up in an isolation cell with nth but darkness and limited space.. it's worst than being lost in the Bermuda Triangle.. knowing about Jesus is one thing.. Knowing Him, loving Him and communicating with Him is another thing..

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3

...Lost Without You...

Probably every christians would say that spiritual life is just like a roller-coaster ride.. there are alwiz ups n downs n some valley r definitely steeper n deeper than others; some peaks are like everest whereas some r like gunung kinabalu.. although i've been a christian all my life, i've nvr seemed to hv experienced the whole roller-coaster ride.. until now.. when i first experienced God's touch, it was like WOW!!!!!!!! mere words could never explain how i felt at that time.. those were the most precious moments of my life.. to be touched by God and to hear His voice was the greatest gift i could ever dream of receiving.. my entire life would be of no regrets if everyday i'm able to walk in His footsteps, beside Him.. the feeling is of no other.. and i would never trade it for any other things on earth.. those were my ups.. however, i guess all gud things will never last.. the feel-good times only lasted for bout a year.. then it was back to square one.. things were back to normal.. the relaxing state i guess.. then it went back up.. the peak wasn't as high as the first tho.. but nonetheless, i was still drenched and soaked in the spirit.. it was cool and i was really glad to be alwiz in God's presence.. to feel loved, wanted, to feel significant, and to feel as part of the team.. most importantly, to feel that i belonged to somebody.. i noe my family loves me and i've frenz, but the feeling is jz different.. things were great n it is as though nothing seems to bother me and everything went extremely well.. i guess all's well that ends well.. not just yet tho..

~to be continued~