y do things have to change?? how come they can't remain the way they are forever?? things doesn't seem to be at its sunny-side-up anymore.. things started getting bad since 2005.. well, there was a lot of work n studies was a major headache, not to say a pain in the butt!!! but, it was still manageable.. thank God, with His grace and mercy, i got through STPM alive.. results wasn't as gud as i dreamt, but good enuff.. that's all that matters, as long as He is with me, everything else doesn't matter.. as long as i have Him by my side, i noe that i would be ok n things would turn up eventually.. i just noe that He would not abandon me.. until recently.. not long after Jeremiah School.. things seem to be going great!! well, it's wut i think (very subjective, i noe).. then everything stopped.. it was like i'm caught in a time tunnel.. everything just stopped happening.. my urge to doing things wasn't there.. He wasn't there anymore!!!!!!!! y isn't He speaking to me?? hv i sin against Him? wut have i done?? i'm lost.. everything seems blank without Jesus.. i feel like an empty vessel.. left with just the shell, nth else.. pure silence and emptiness.. i felt hurt n miserable.. yet.. part of me was just lagging.. not taking any interest in anything.. faking almost all my thoughts and expression.. i guess i felt God was abandoning me.. without realizing that it was vice-versa.. i'm useless.. i noe.. helpless and useless.. it does makes me think if i'm worthy of all that He has done for me.. i wish i would be able to solve this problem soon.. life without Him sucks!!!!!!! my life is so incomplete.. i dun wanna feel pain beyond comparison and ultimate darkness..
just thought i would like to share my thoughts and wut i'm going thru.. i pray hard that no one would be goin thru it.. life without Jesus is worst than being locked up in an isolation cell with nth but darkness and limited space.. it's worst than being lost in the Bermuda Triangle.. knowing about Jesus is one thing.. Knowing Him, loving Him and communicating with Him is another thing..
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
Jeremiah 33:3
1 comment:
Hi Yuen Mei!!
Read ur recent postings. I can understand what ur goin thru now. Rememeber dat God is always there, we juz have to reach out to Him. Life is bigger than the whole universe, there are areas that we can't reach but only God can. Pray and wait upon Him. He has never forsaken us since the day He created Adam and Eve.
The Lord You God is with you, He is mighty to save. - Zephaniah 3:17
Take care and smile always!!
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