'No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.'

I was feeling all jumbled up with thoughts until a friend quoted this phrase a few hours ago.. it then hit me so hard that it really slapped me out of my own thoughts that hey!! he's right.. no one or no person is worth my tears and misery.. it's just that it's just so hard to put it into actions instead of just mere words.. i'm made out of flesh and blood and hey!! cut me or smack me, i'll bleed and i'll hurt and i'll most probably be screaming on top of my lungs for all who know me well.. but i guess i am trying really really hard to put the past behind me.. sometimes i do have my own naive thoughts and wishes but after all i've gone through, there's no space for naive and kiddish thoughts and actions anymore.. life isn't like what pop-up fairytale books states.. it's far complicated, cold, harsh and traumatising.. tomorrow might be another day but who knows what's gonna happen at the end of today.. guess that's life.. we'll never know if we'll get hurt today or tomorrow until we actually feel the pain of the injury..

For all who have been concerned with my well being due to my emotional and gloomy post these few days, i'm so sorry for causing any discomfort and worries.. i believe time will play it's part.. in the meantime, i guess all i could do is try to chill and not to let my emotions affect any1 else..

*still praying hard that things will work out for the better*

season change.. things change..

i still miss certain things.. things may change and tables may be turned on me.. wish i could let go already.. but.. i guess i sank in a lil too much to feel nth bout it.. if only feelings could be manipulated easily then i wouldn't hv to go thru all these now.. can't wait for summer to arrive.. another season, hopefully another change for the better.. considerations to be made, brokenness to be patched, decisions and alterations to be decided and made up, internships to be completed, basically, i'm positively sure everything will be different after summer.. jz hope it's for the better.. won't get my hopes up and ending up giving myself too much false hope but.. i trust God will help me thru, jz pray tht I wouldn't mess things up by being disobedient..

summer will make the difference!!

*still feeling sore & broken but trying hard to stand firm*

a tear is jz a laughter away??

there's been so much goin on these days that i almost lost track of how much i've been going thru and how long the whole phase is taking.. it's so hard to feel sad and hurt but at the same time have to pretend that i'm cool and chilling bout it.. can't really cry it out or scream it out.. so the other best alternative i guess is to smile and laugh it out.. at least if i laugh hard enough and tear, i would have a reason for crying.. being hyper and active in order to not think and focus so much on the hurts is really tiring.. but i really can't figure out another way except to tire myself and wear myself out to prevent unnecessary thoughts.. guess it does take a long time to recover from hurts.. i believe that time will play it's role and God will help me thru it.. guess in the end, there is not much external issue but it's jz if i can get over myself and my internal conflict.. this sucks.. i'm such a lousy and emotional loser.. needa be stronger to survive in a reality tht's harsh and cruel.. no more naive thoughts..

can't wait till summer!!!

*trying to return to my comfort zone*

~~over~~

the one month plus roller coaster ride has finally come to an end.. relieved yet at the same time i can't help but feel sad.. wish i have a memory eraser or a time machine.. that would be freaking darn cool not to say useful for moments like this..

*Yuen Mei is trying to put things behind*

helpless~~

i feel so helpless~~ certain truth sucks but.. i guess i'd rather know than to be ignorant bout it tho.. it was so predictable even since the beginning.. but.. i guess i was only human.. people really does silly things when they're not rational enough.. not regretting my decisions but still wishing for the ideal outcome..

some people say that life is a piece of cake.. life is a wonderful journey to embark in.. but i guess i've a different view to life eversince stepping foot into the State.. life is just one damn thing over and over.. routine routine and more routines.. probably it's like what certain people say.. life is never fair.. it is just fairer than death, that's all..

not really sure why i'm always flooded with negative thoughts here.. just can't wait to be home for good!!

MAIN GOAL:

FINISH UP MY SUBJECTS AND GRADUATE ASAP!!!