a tear is jz a laughter away??

there's been so much goin on these days that i almost lost track of how much i've been going thru and how long the whole phase is taking.. it's so hard to feel sad and hurt but at the same time have to pretend that i'm cool and chilling bout it.. can't really cry it out or scream it out.. so the other best alternative i guess is to smile and laugh it out.. at least if i laugh hard enough and tear, i would have a reason for crying.. being hyper and active in order to not think and focus so much on the hurts is really tiring.. but i really can't figure out another way except to tire myself and wear myself out to prevent unnecessary thoughts.. guess it does take a long time to recover from hurts.. i believe that time will play it's role and God will help me thru it.. guess in the end, there is not much external issue but it's jz if i can get over myself and my internal conflict.. this sucks.. i'm such a lousy and emotional loser.. needa be stronger to survive in a reality tht's harsh and cruel.. no more naive thoughts..

can't wait till summer!!!

*trying to return to my comfort zone*