Further & further away..

It's been a month plus since JS is over & 2 weeks of uni cum college life has just gone by.. i realize that i'll nvr be able to relive the whole perfect community we had druing the 6 weeks of JS.. those were the happiest & most care-free days of my entire life.. coming into uni, college, wutever u call it.. things r so different.. it's ur choice whether to study anot or to go for classes or not to go, it's alll up to u.. it's freedom & it's really relaxing & enjoyable & a lil stress of assignments jz to add some colours into things but otherwise it's supposed to be the best days of a teenage life.. but.. i can't help feeling a lil weird & off track.. it's cool & all, i've great classmates, they're funny, smart, hardworking & in 1 word, damn 'cun' & all but sth is jz missing.. i dun feel the sense of belonging, neither do i feel wanted.. although we laugh & talk & tease but i jz can't help feeling a lil lonely there.. sobz.. y is this feeling taking over?? back in church.. church used to be my haven, a place where i alwiz feel secure, a place where i could alwiz count on.. the ppl there r totally cool & nice, my childhood frenz r there, my best frenz r there & most of all, the ppl in church would nvr betray me & we watched out for each other.. it's like my second home.. however, recently, i jz can't help feeling lost in church & among my youths.. i jz dun feel like we're a big family anymore.. yes, no doubt we still laugh & play & discuss & watch out for each other as usual, but.. like i said earlier there's jz sth missing.. there's sth seriously wrong with me.. the good old days with the MYFers were so cool & we had so much good & bad times together that ic ould nvr forget all the days of my life, how God has been so good & real to us & all the troubles we've got into & how we all stuck together & finally got out of it.. we've been through so much that it's jz so weird that now, we seemed so distant.. it's jz so sad to think that i'm drifting away from them & in a year plus, i'll be leaving for California.. sobz.. that's gonna so do some damages to our relationship.. i can tell.. well, easter's coming round the corner & we've the youht alpha thingy to complete & i'm as lost as ever.. lost as in dun really noe wut is goin on & dun feel like i'm part of it although my conscience tells me i am part of it.. urghh.. it's so confusing & it's so depressing.. it's not that i'm freakingly desperate for attention cz i attention hv been given to each & everyone of us, it's jz that i dun feel that i belong anymore.. the feeling is like when ur parents tell u now that u're an adopted child.. it hurts & i feel really depressed.. i really luv my frenz.. i luv the MYFers.. i luv everyone in church but things jz seem so different now.. or rather, i am a different person all together.. & my view & perspective of a perfect life has changed over the past few months.. this is jz so weird..